


Dying Message

by Rukazaya



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mystery, Robots, Unrequited Love, Unspoken words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rukazaya/pseuds/Rukazaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo x Izaya. Shizuo x Psyche. Izaya dies and Shizuo, unable to contain his guilt and sorrow, sacrifices everything he has to create Psyche, a robot made to look like and act like Izaya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Title:**  Dying Message  
 **Rating:**  T  
 **Pairing:** Shizuo x Izaya Shizuo x Psyche Shinra x Celty  
 **Prompt from the Drrr Kink Meme:** Inspired by Vocoloid Rin's Kokoro (heart) song and Vocoloid Len's Kiseki (memory) song.

**PLEASE WATCH THESE TWO VIDEOS BEFORE YOU READ THIS FIC. IT DRAWS HEAVILY FROM IT.**

**Shizaya version:**  
youtube(dot)com/watch?v=0iZOl-2DiyM  
youtube(dot)com/watch?v=H-3bVWeBSBI

 **Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters!

_THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned._

* * *

[Present time line]

"God damn they're persistent!" Shizuo growled in a low voice as he crouched in the dark. The young boy with him looked up as Shizuo tried to cover their bodies in the shadows.

"Where did they go?"

"Find them!"

Men in black suits with guns were running around in pursuit. They were trying to be discreet with their weapons, but they were too much in a hurry to find the escapees to be diligent with this aspect. Their metallic guns reflected in the moonlight as they searched each alleyway.

Shizuo grabbed the other guy's hand and hissed, "This way, Izaya."

The robot named Psyche just nodded and followed. He did not understand why he was called Izaya but he was programmed to follow his master's orders. So he ran with the blonde man in a bartender suit into the night.

* * *

[A year ago]

"I'm telling you Shizuo, it's impossible," Shinra sighed in frustration as he tried to advise his friend. "Look, I've been tired lately of what's been going on with Celty so you'll have to excuse me for being short tempered as well but-"

"I don't care. A lot of things are impossible in this world. Hell,  _my strength_  should be impossible but here I am. Celty should be impossible but here she is. Don't tell me what's impossible in this world!" Shizuo yelled back stubbornly. Shinra sighed.

"Fine, I wouldn't tell you it's impossible. But I'm a doctor of human beings. I don't know a single thing about making a robot with a capability of-"

"Then tell me where to go. Who to turn to. I don't care WHO it is. I need to know!" Shizuo clung desperately even though he knew deep inside that Shinra was right. But his heart rejected the truth.

"I need to know what Izaya wanted to tell me before he died!"

"Well, that could be arranged," said a muffled voice behind them.

Shinra and Shizuo both turned to face a man in a gas mask and lab coat. Shingen was leaning on the couch from the back as if he snuck in and eavesdropped.

"Nebula has the power, the science, the budget and the means to do so. But Shizuo-kun, they wouldn't be taking up this elaborate, money-consuming project without a reason. Though the idea of a humanoid robot with a deceased human's memory and heart is a very interesting project. Even if I did bring it up to the board, they're too busy trying to catch and dissect Celty-kun. Considering her latest rebirth incident I would have to be very persuasive to have some forces split for this project. There is of course, no sure way that they'll even allow you to speak with such an interesting creatu-"

"You need his memory right. He's already dead but the living should have parts of his memory," Shizuo interrupted. Shinra blinked, "You really have been thinking hard about this."

Shizuo continued ignoring his friend, "And I'm pretty sure I should have extensive memory of that flea. And I can gather as many people as you want to chip in."

Shingen rubbed his gas mask as if he was musing over the idea.

"Hooo…. well, that truly is indeed a good plan. But what else do you have to offer? Surely you don't expect Nebula to take up this crazy idea just because it sounds like a fun experiment."

Shinra had a very bad feeling about this. The fact that his father was here to egg him on was bad enough. But before Shinra could stop him, Shizuo was already ready to step up to the game.

"I'm sure you lunatics have been interested in experimenting on my body haven't you? Why else would you be here to take up my proposal." Normally Shizuo would be extremely angry that someone would treat him like a monster to strap down to a lab table and cut open, but he took it very coolly and expectedly. He knew it was the best bargaining chip he had.

Through the gas mask, Shingen chuckled and Shizuo grimly accepted his fate.

* * *

[Present time line]

"Psyche… was it? Sorry, uh… here. Do you eat?" Shizuo asked. Psyche shook his head, still staring blankly at his new master.

"My battery power is at 90%, master. I should be alright for a week."

"Ah… I see." Shizuo nodded as he scratched his head. "How… do you get charged?"

Psyche took off his headset to reveal a long cord inside his ear with a plug.

"How much… battery powers do you err… consume?" Shizuo said, right before using the word, 'eat' as he ate his burger he bought for dinner. They were still on the run, so he didn't really stop long enough to sit and eat. They were on the rooftop of a four-story building in one of the ghettoes.

Psyche said a string of number and letters Shizuo did not understand. But it sounded like a lot. Shizuo grimaced a bit as he felt the pink hard case in his pocket that he had filched before he ran away from the lab. He had barely slept all night and he felt a bit tired. But when he turned to look at Psyche, he couldn't help but smile.

Just then, Shizuo heard a shout, and scuffles of men as they burst open the door to the roof.

"Shit, can't even eat in peace," Shizuo said as he shoved the rest of the burger into his mouth and grabbed Psyche's wrist.

They started shooting their guns right away. The convenient silencers were on them so they shot without hesitation of being caught. Shizuo quickly pulled Psyche in behind him, away from the assailants covering him before the bullets got to him. He embraced the young robot as the bullets pierced through his titanium skin and fell from the building, his parkour skills still allowing him to fall and roll in a way that would lessen the damage.

Shizuo rolled a bit, still holding onto the robot that was twice as heavy as him, making sure his own body would be the cushion.

"Are you okay? Think you can still run?" Shizuo asked after a short groan.

Psyche nodded. His robotic program was confused. His body should be able to withstand the bullets far better than a human body, as well as he should have been the one to take the hit when they fell. So why did this human do something so irrational?

His computer brain just could not compute the insanities of a working human mind.

* * *

[6 months ago]

"Good morning Psyche," the scientist in charge said as he scribbled on his note book, barely looking up.

"Good morning doctor," Psyche said with his dull voice.

"Today, two young ladies are here to see you. Please be kind to them as they are cooperating a great deal with this project."

"Yes doctor," Psyche nodded.

Two identical twins, one with long braid and the other with shorter hair ran to him. They clung to him and started to cry.

Psyche just held them. The doctor told him he should smile, so he did as he was told. He did not understand the workings of a human mind but that was alright. The doctors have been telling him that he'll be complete soon. Psyche looked forward to it.

* * *

[Present time line]

Psyche now looked up at the man who had taken him out of the lab. His breathing was labored as he grabbed onto the side of his ribs. Blood had soaked through his white shirt and black vest. Psyche looked at the wound and his judgment told him that his master was losing his fluids too fast.

"Sorry, I must be heavy huh?" Shizuo asked as he shifted, trying his best not to lean too much on the robot. Psyche was hoisting him by the shoulder and shook his head.

"Master is not heavy to Psyche," he replied.

"Yeah?" Shizuo smiled arduously. Then his face became serious once more as he looked forward.

"I know a good spot for us to hide throughout the night. Guess superglue isn't going to help me patch things up tonight," Shizuo said as he led both of them toward Raira High School. He just hoped that he wasn't dripping too much blood on the ground. Psyche silently gave him support as they made their way in the shadows.

* * *

[One year + 3 months ago]

"You have six months to live at most, Orihara-san," the doctor gave Izaya his death sentence.

Izaya calmly took it. "… you said at most. What's the exact figure."

"Well, it's most likely two months, but if you took care of your body, the bones won't degenerate as fast and you could live up to six months at maximum," the doctor told him grimly as he held up the x-rays and CT Scans.

Izaya looked at those black films that didn't tell him much. It didn't make sense to him how these films could give his final judgment so swiftly. Izaya pouted and tossed them back at the doctor, irritated.

Irritated. That was what Orihara Izaya felt at first.

Orihara Izaya shrugged and continued his day as usual. He tried to seduce more girls into committing suicide, he coerced more boys to fight each other in the gangs and he even had enough time to drink his mocha coffee latte at the small café. Izaya lived that day to the fullest, laughing at the death's whispers. The highlight of his day was when he ran into Shizu-chan at Russia Sushi while he was indulging in ootoro.

That day, ootoro tasted quite vile, so having Shizu-chan lighten his mood with a wild chase was amazing.

That was, it was amazing until he started to cough blood in mid-twirl of his parkour jump.

Izaya grabbed onto the railing before he crashed to the hard concrete floor below him, using gravity to swing around and land safely. He looked at his bloody hand and for the first time, death felt real to him.

Fear consumed his heart and crushed it painfully.


	2. Chapter 2

[Present time line]

"Shizuo! Everyone's been looking for you!" Shinra hissed as he took out his scalpel from his suitcase. "They even came barging into my apartment in search of you. You're lucky I was able to escape just in time and good god Shizuo! You said you were shot with one bullet not six!"

Shizuo groaned as he lay on the concrete floor on top of their old high school rooftop. His breathing was shallow as he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as Shinra ripped open his wound to pull out the bullets.

Psyche sat next to him, giving his lap as a pillow for the blonde. At first he just sat next to him, not knowing what to do. But the man in the bartender suit asked if he could use his lap as a pillow. Psyche nodded but he told him, "I'm not very soft, master."

Shizuo just chuckled and said it was fine.

So Shizuo flinched as Shinra did his work, beads of sweat forming on his forehead from the pain. Psyche thought about it and at length he decided that he should wipe them before they fell into his eyes. So he did.

Shizuo blinked and looked up in surprise as he felt the soft touches of fingers wiping his brow. They were cold, but Shizuo reached out to hold that robotic hand and pressed it on his burning cheek. Psyche looked down at his new master as he breathed harshly and wondered what it meant to feel suffering.

Psyche wondered too, if that 'heart' chip was completed would he know the answer?

* * *

[One year and 3 weeks ago]

"You can stop right there louse!" Shizuo growled as he held the stop sign that he had pulled up from somewhere.

Izaya turned around, his fur coat fluttering in the cold night air. His smile was serene as he stood on the rooftop of the Sunshine 60 with the full moon behind his back.

"Ah Shizu-chan. How unexpected. Then again, since you're always unexpected, I should expect it by now huh?"

"Your little game is over. Hand over Celty's head," Shizuo took one last puff of his cancer stick before he threw it down and crushed it with his shoe. Izaya smiled at the irony that only he understood.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Shizu-chan," Izaya continued as he hid the jar behind his back.

"Celty's not coming, Izaya. Play time is over. That Raijin kid-"

"It's Raira now, Shizu-chan."

"Whatever. That Raijin kid knows that you backstabbed him. That blonde kid spilled everything. The four way 'war' of yours is over. I think some yakuza aren't too happy with you over it. And the random gang from Saitama is going back home. The Russians returned to their country. On top of it all, your little secretary took off, leaving your studio open for anyone to take your files," Shizuo smirked victoriously.

"Ah~ well. In the end a human walks the path of life alone. So what brings you here Shizu-chan? Did you want to watch my face fall as you deliver the bad news?"

Shizuo grinned menacingly. "Glad you asked. Celty told me to make sure I get the head back from you tonight. I believe you were trying to stage that war of yours on the main street of Sunshine 60 and return her head? Well you can forget it. She's not coming, and I'm here to take it from you instead."

"Pity," Izaya said as he looked down, still hoping for a crowd to gather and a war to break out.

"I guess it didn't work after all. And my time has run out," Izaya smiled sadly admitting defeat.

Shizuo frowned. "What do you have up your sleeves this time louse." He knew Izaya very well. He knew he'd never give up.

Izaya jumped onto the edge of the rooftop. Shizuo's eyes widened.

"Have you finally gone nuts louse? What the fuck are you-"

"If I jumped, would Celty come and rescue me I wonder," Izaya said as he pulled the head out of the jar and held it up high.

"You're fucking insane!" Shizuo ran forward to grab Izaya before he jumped. But he was still close to the door, and Izaya was already at the edge of the rooftop. Izaya took no notice of Shizuo and started to talk to the decapitated head as his eyes swirled crimson red.

"Valkyrie-san. I knew I should have taken you to a battlefield in a foreign country. I should have known that hastily composed plans wouldn't awaken you. But don't worry. I wonder what you would do if you and I plummeted to our death? Would you at least save yourself? Ah granted, you're already an immortal so I suppose you wouldn't care about a bit of pain since you'll heal immediately huh…" Izaya looked at the head sadly.

"All I wanted was to live just a bit longer and love all of humanity to my fullest potential," Izaya said as he took a step and dropped.

"IZAYAAAAAAAA!" Shizuo cried as he reached out to grab him.

* * *

[Present time line]

"Okay, that should be good. I tried my best but this is really unsanitary," Shinra sighed as he took off his bloodied surgical gloves. "At least I poured good amount of alcohol to disinfect it. Seriously Shizuo, you should really return that  _thing_ ," Shinra glared at Psyche with disdain. " and just forget about this whole mess. You can't bring back Izaya. That  _thing_  is not-"

"Don't call it a thing. It's Psyche," Shizuo grumbled.

"Whatever! It's still a machine! A robot! Not a human made with flesh and bones like you and me!"

"Ha! If you call this flesh and bones…" Shizuo growled as he rubbed his bloodied side.

"Well you still  _bleed_  Shizuo! That thing does not! You'll really regret this. Mark my words." Shinra said with a huff as he crossed his arms.

Shizuo looked at his friend and patted him on the shoulder, leaving a bloodied handprint by accident. "Thanks but this is what I've decided." Shinra sighed in exasperation.

"… how's Celty?" Shizuo asked finally. Shinra looked grim. "I don't know. I haven't seen her after she got her head back and regained her memory." Shizuo noticed that Shinra too had dark circles under his eyes.

"Looks like both of us are suffering from the aftermath huh," Shizuo smirked though it had no mirth or energy.

"I'm sure she's alright and still loves me. It's just…" Shinra trailed off. Then he turned to his friend with serious eyes.

"It's time you moved on too Shizuo. You can't be held back by this. You need to let  _go_  Shizuo."

"I'm fine," Shizuo said as he patted Shinra once more and struggled to get up. "Don't worry about Celty. She's an immortal. She'll come back to you in the end. But me however…" Shizuo turned to look at Psyche who looked back up at him with blank unreadable eyes.

"Shizuo? Hey, you need your rest!"

"Can't. Gotta run," Shizuo said. "They're still chasing us."

"I wish I can offer you my place but…" Shinra frowned. His place was too well guarded at the moment. Even he couldn't return to it at this point until things calmed down.

"Don't worry, I may not be Celty, but I recover pretty quickly," Shizuo gave the good doctor a 'thumb's up.' Shinra still frowned with worry.

"Ah, by the way. Psyche. Take a good look. This was our high school. Me, Shinra here, and Izaya too." Shizuo said as he turned to the robot that stood up now, getting ready to follow his master.

"School…" Psyche said as he looked around. It was pretty dark but his eyes were still able to analyze the setting.

"I wanted to show it to you before we left town," Shizuo said with a smile. Shinra looked at Shizuo with a serious countenance.

"So you've decided?"

"Yeah. I'll probably try to leave this country perhaps."

"Nebula is everywhere. Be careful. You can't be too far away from cities due to that robot consuming so much energy but…" Shinra sighed, "I can't believe you risked your life to show a stupid robot your old school."

"Robots remember everything right?" Shizuo said as he looked at the vacant school ground.

"Yes. Is that why you risked your life to show him something so empty and stupid?"

"It's not stupid Shinra, if it can be remembered for eternity."

Shinra stayed silent as he stood next to his friend, gazing at the quiet scenery before them.

"The school grounds… haven't changed much huh." Shizuo said with a smile. "I'm glad I got to show it to Psyche."

"But you've changed, Shizuo." Shinra commented softly. Shizuo laughed heartily.

Psyche stood still, his magenta eyes taking in the scene in to his memory forever.

* * *

[7 years ago]

"Shi~~zu-chan~" Izaya purred as he came to the school rooftop wearing his usual garment that differentiated him with other students. Izaya skipped on the hard concrete floor toward the sleeping blonde in blue.

"My~ showing your weak side in front of me, that's no good Shizu-chan~ What if I attacked you while you were sleeping on your lunch break?" Izaya snickered as he took out his switch blade and flicked it open, waving it dangerously around his neck.

"Then again, I suppose if I can't even stab a few cm into your skin, slashing your neck is quite useless isn't it," Izaya pouted and thought about some more.

"Ah, I know. What if I drew on your face and marked you with the permanent marker? I wonder what I would write?" Izaya giggled as he straddled the sleeping blonde and sat on his lap.

"Ne~ Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan~ Can you hear me? Does my voice grate your ears? Does my face make you angry? You know, I haven't seen you look this peaceful in front of me before. It's quite something I must say."

Shizuo continued to sleep. Izaya sat on his lap, staring up at those fluttering eyelashes and that broad chest heave up and down as the man called monster breathed the same air as he did.

"When you sleep, you don't look like a monster, Shizu-chan." Izaya said softly.

Izaya quietly traced those pink lips with his fingertip, from one corner down to the plump tip and back up to the next. Then his hands came down on those angular cheeks softly, brushing it tenderly.

"I wish there was something more permanent to mark you as mine Shizu-chan, so no one else will take you away from me, something that'll never erase no matter how much you try to rub it clean."

With that the raven haired young boy leaned forward and lightly placed his quivering lips on top of the sleeping boy's own, so carefully as he was worried it would awaken the sleeping beast.

There was a pause as if he was deciding if he should further the kiss, but all too soon, his lips were lifted away.

"Shizu-chan is an idiot."

His voice shook just a bit that betrayed him. The boy quickly got up and ran back. Once the door to the rooftop slammed closed, Shizuo woke up with a faint blush in his cheeks that he tried his best to keep to himself.

"You're the idiot, Izaya…"


	3. Chapter 3

[Eight months ago from present time line]

The white lights were turned on brightly as Shizuo lay on the white board nude save for a cloth over his groin. He was strapped to the hard board with leather belts though it would be easy for him to rip it off if he wanted to. But he lay there still obediently as the young blonde woman barely in her twenties something walked over happily. If this was how he would get Izaya back, he would sit through whatever hell that he needed to go through.

"Good morning, afternoon and evening Heiwajima-san! Thank you for calmly cooperating with our experiment! My name is Emilia and I do hope you're feeling wonderful as I am with respect! I am honored to be your surgeon of the day. Let's cut you, rip you and tear you open with respect!"

Shizuo frowned at the blonde foreigner with incredulous eyes. It was disturbing in all sorts of ways, he couldn't even begin to start where. Instead he asked,

"Uh… how is Izaya coming along?"

"Ah~ Project Psychedelic Dreamer? He's coming along fine, do not worry with respect! They thought of creating him from a fetus but the scientists were too selfish to wait for the natural growth of a part human and part cyborg so they've decided to create a robot instead. That way they can experiment during their own life time with respect! But let's get back onto our topic, shall we?"

The young woman continued to talk about each procedure, how she and her assistant were planning to cut him open, with respect, and how Shinra had kindly informed him about Shizuo's impressively robust skin and they have brandished themselves with custom made scalpels. Oh, with respect of course.

Shizuo shifted on the board nervously. He normally didn't care when Shinra ripped him open but he was quick and swift, who knew his body well. This experiment looked like a long procedure and it did make Shizuo squirm uncomfortably as she thoroughly explained the whole process of slicing the human body like sashimi.

"Now then, I've heard that anesthesia doesn't work too well on you as your body seems to recover from it too soon, but I was the one chosen to cut open Celty-san by our corporation so I do not be alarmed! Anesthesia didn't work too well on her either but the honor of cutting open one monster landed me another chance to cut open another with respect! I do hope we could get along~ for your strong muscles that ripple under your skin calls to my scalpel like how a male bird sings to mate with the female! With respect!"

"Uhh… can we get along with this?" Shizuo finally asked, feeling way too nauseous and apprehensive. He felt sick to the pit of his stomach.

"Of course, with respect!" said Emilia before placing the gas mask on top of Shizuo's mouth.

Even before he fell asleep, they tore apart his skin and ripped open his chest to examine his heart with eagerness of hyenas feeding on a dead carcass.

'…that fucking hurts…' Shizuo thought as he drifted into sleep.

* * *

[Seven month before the Present time line]

"What do you mean it's a failure?" Shizuo shouted as he strutted down the hallway. The doctors were trying their very best to get in his way or stop him, but their weak bodies were no match for the legendary man of Ikebukuro, Heiwajima Shizuo.

"Heiwajima-san, you can't walk in there! They're still working on the finishing touches and-!"

"Don't you be telling me what I can and can't do!" Shizuo shouted as he burst open the doors to the science lab. He was inside a white room with machines running everywhere as a naked robot in the body and face of Orihara Izaya lay on the white elevated board. The two scientists inside looked quite startled at the sudden entrance.

"What's going on here exactly?" Shizuo demanded. The scientists didn't seem to know if they should answer him since he was clearly not part of the research project.

"The Project is a failure because Psychedelic Dreamer isn't starting up, Shizuo-kun," a voice muffled by a gas mask replied from behind Shizuo. He turned around to face his friend's father who appeared out of nowhere.

"Good to see that you're doing well in Nebula, Shizuo-kun. I hope my wife has been treating you wel-"

"Cut the crap. Now tell me why he's not…" Shizuo searched for a word. He couldn't bring himself to confirm him as a machine.

"Several factors in fact. The research budget for one. It's split into many divisions, one of them mainly going towards Celty project. The other being your experiment. Emilia's been quite adamant that her department needs much more-"

"That's not what I'm here for! Why isn't he waking up?"

"The essence of life is a peculiar thing, Shizuo-kun. The most vibrant and beautiful yet the most fragile and ephemeral. He's not starting up because our department, nay, the entire science in the world has yet to truly comprehend the true meaning of 'life'" Shingen continued as he placed his hand on the robot that was refusing to start up.

"Well, do something about it! Do your sciencey-things! Don't you dare tell me that you've dealt a deal with me without knowing this!" Shizuo grabbed at the coat near Shingen's neck and shook him in the air.

Shingen flailed a bit, crying "It hurts, it hurts aaah! Let me go Shizuo-kun! This won't do, this won't do at all! Nothing gets resolved through violence, won't you agree with me, Shizuo-kun?"

Shizuo growled but at length he dropped the man who coughed through his gas mask. Shizuo walked over to the switch board.

"Is this the switch?" Shizuo asked as he pointed at the large button that had a clear green color.

The other scientists hesitated, but nodded. Shizuo pressed it.

Surge of electricity ran wildly as the scientists scrambled about, trying to either stop it or let it continue, all of them running without direction and not really knowing what should be done without a leader. Shingen just chuckled as he watched Shizuo calmly walk over to the table and place his hand on the chest of the cold body before him.

"Wake up Izaya," Shizuo frowned as he stared at the dead body. This image brought him too many unforgettable memories and nightmares he visited every night. "Wake up for me please! Just one last time!" Shizuo banged on that chest hard, just like he had done before to the body with the same exact face, trying his best to bring back that miracle called 'life.' Shizuo started crying again as a tear fell down on the still face, falling onto the cheek and caressing it gently before it dripped to the board.

There was a stir within the body this time, unlike before. The scientists in the rooms gasped in surprise as the robot's eyes opened, its magenta orbs carefully analyzing his new environment. The robot looked up at the blonde man with the gentlest smile and his eyes brimming with tears.

"Good morning master. How may I be of serv-" but the robot was cut off as the man with the bartender outfit gave him a crushing hug and sobbed while the scientists celebrated their new found miracle.

* * *

[Six months before Present time line]

"So is this how I do it?" Shizuo frowned as he put a headset to his ears. It sounded too simple.

The scientist nodded. "The Project Psychedelic Dreamer is about inputting your unconscious memories as well as your conscious memories. The thing is, memory is very biased substance. You only tend to remember what you want to remember; sometimes you interpose your own memory with false memory. So what we're planning to do is delve into your subconsciousness as well as-"

"Okay never mind. Now it's too complicated," Shizuo grumbled as he adjusted the headset to fit his head better.

"Now then Heiwajima-san, you'll get drowsy but don't worry, that's part of the-" but Shizuo had already fallen asleep.

* * *

[Four months before Present time]

Shizuo was strapped down on the board again. He had lost count by now how many experiments they had on him. Sometimes it was several times a week and lasted for more than six hours. Shizuo always felt groggy even though he slept through most of them, his body was still feeling the fatigue of the constant surgery. Even his body could not take so much breaking down of his cells and tissues without proper healing.

But it was for Izaya, and he was willing to sit through it. He wanted to see this to the end.

"Oh Heiwajima-saaan~" Emilia said in her sing-song voice as she held up her fresh scalpel. "Today I got my new set of scalpels again~ Aren't these just lovely babies? Oh I can't wait to cut you open today too, with respect!" she sounded so cheerful, like a house wife who found a new recipe for her cooking.

"Whatever. Get on with it," Shizuo growled. Emilia smugly smiled. "Today I also got a new injection needles since your amazingly vigorous skin always breaks them. Let's try these lovelies today with respect!" and without much further warning, Emilia stabbed his arm with a large needle filled with bluish liquid.

Shizuo actually winced. Lately he had been feeling the pain much more as each experiment went on. Eight months ago, he wouldn't have even felt three gun shot wounds but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

Once all the fluid was injected into Shizuo, Emilia pulled it out and stared at the blonde with glee. "So, how are you feeling Heiwajima-saaan~?"

"Fine, just-pffft cough!" Shizuo started to cough as he started to feel sharp pain coursing through his body and then a slow numbing sensation.

"What the f…" Shizuo paused. Though he couldn't see much as he was strapped to the board, he knew the taste of that iron that filled his mouth as well as the stink of blood.

"What the fuck did you do?" Shizuo asked furiously. But his body felt too weak to yank off the leather buckles which should have been easy few months ago.

"Nothing much. Just your regular toxin. We're now experimenting exactly how fast it affects your body as it filters through your veins directly with respect! Oh, but don't worry, we have the antidote ready to give to you just before you die on us. We can't lose an incredible specimen like you or I'll lose my head with respect!" Emilia said with the most angelic smile that looked like the devil's to Shizuo's eyes as she placed the sleeping gas mask on Shizuo's face. She didn't bother to clean up the coughed up blood as she was too excited to open him up and look inside immediately.

* * *

[Few hours before Present time on Chapter 1]

"… six months?" Shizuo yelled as he got up from his chair in fury. Emilia backed up just a bit nervously but still smiling while Shingen still sat in his seat and continued to look at the medical charts.

"Well, maybe I was over exaggerating." Shingen nodded. Shizuo waited with just a little bit more patience.

"… I think you have two months to live," Shingen nodded again with finality. Shizuo exploded.

"What kind of maniacal experiments have your fucking wife been doing to my body?" Shizuo bellowed like a beast.

"Well, I admit she is a bit passionate about her subjects but-" Shingen didn't look at all intimidated though Shizuo could not tell with the gas mask on his face. At least his voice did not betray his fear if the man was fearing him. Shizuo grabbed at the doctor's lab coat again.

"What about Izaya. Don't you be fucking telling me that the project is discontinued."

"Ah~ well. it's incomplete…" Shingen said as he was dangled in the air. He managed to look quite comfortable except for the fact that Shizuo was near choking him.

"When will it be finished?" Shizuo demanded.

"Well, there's a lot of problems with memories. Sorting through what we got as well as trying to fill in those gaps are quite a difficult process, especially since none of you  _are_  Orihara Izaya himself. It will probably be always remain  _incomplete_  to be frank and…"

"What the fuck are you getting at? You mean he'll never be finished?"

"Well to be precise, yes. Either he'll never be finished or it'll take at least fifty to hundred years to be complete."

Shizuo's heart froze as he continued to stare at the gas masked man with unreadable face.

"By then I suppose you'll be dead by the time we get to the second stage of miracle in life, Shizuo-kun."

* * *

[An hour before the Present time in Chapter 1]

"Good evening Psyche."

"Good evening doctor."

"Today let's-"

They were interrupted with a loud commotion outside the lab just before the door burst open and the lone legendary man of Ikebukuro stood his ground, ready to take back the one who was suppose to replace the pair.

"What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" the scientist demanded, irritated with the interruption to his schedule.

"Don't be telling me where I should or shouldn't be," Shizuo said as he took a step forward. The scientist cowered just a bit, realizing that though his science was important, maybe his life might be of more importance right now.

Shizuo walked up to the robot who was sitting with his headset on his head. He held out his hand.

"Izaya. Let's go."

Psyche's program conflicted at the order. His name was not  _'Izaya.'_ But this man had clearly ordered a command directed at him. His system calculated carefully of his situation and finally concluded that the humans could error and had incorrectly addressed him.

Psyche got up and took Shizuo's hand.

Shizuo nodded grimly. "Where's the incomplete chip?" Shizuo turned and demanded from the scientist. He nervously pointed at the pink hard case that looked like a normal mp3 player or a PDA pad. Shizuo carefully grabbed it and tucked it in his pocket.

With Psyche and the 'heart' chip in hand, Shizuo escaped the Nebula laboratory.

* * *

[At the same time]

From his office, Shingen sighed as he sat on his chair and rubbed his bruised neck. Emilia softly said, "You were too kind to him. You didn't tell him the truth."

Shingen shrugged. "At most he'll only live a week. I thought it'd be alright for him to have that moment for himself and his incomplete toy. It wouldn't be finished in time for him and he was the one who had gambled away his life to complete him."

Emilia only looked guilty as she continued, "We were so close to knowing his source of vigor, so close to that body that was the closest to immortality…"

"And yet he was still human, breaking down easily from chemicals and physical torture like any other humans after a year." Shigen concluded.

"I guess there really is no other choice but to chase after Celty-kun in order to gain the true source of immortality and the miracle of life."


	4. Chapter 4

[Present time. Day 3]

Shizuo woke up from the nap when the train ran over a bumpy rail. He blinked his eyes open, still exhausted.

"Good morning master."

Shizuo looked up to see a pair of magenta eyes staring at him.

The blonde looked around. His disoriented memories were coming back to him. They were able to escape the Nebula Laboratory two nights ago and had managed to get on the express train. There were only two stops in between so he was hoping that the Nebula men wouldn't follow them too easily. If anything, Shizuo could always jump with Psyche and he knew that the train would be too fast for the others to follow.

Shizuo just hoped he didn't have to make that decision too soon. His body wasn't what it used to be. He could feel that it was taking him longer to heal from those bullet wounds near his ribs.

The tired blonde felt his soft side carefully with his hand. It still hurt.

"I've been keeping watch, master. There are no Nebula men on board at this moment." Psyche said.

"You… don't sleep do you," Shizuo wanted to confirm. Psyche nodded.

"I see… so you really are a robot." Shizuo did not want to admit it before but now he had decided to accept the truth and confirmed it by calling Psyche 'a robot'.

"Yes master."

"First, let's get rid of that 'master' thing," Shizuo frowned. "My name is Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Affirmative. I will rewrite the protocol to Heiwajima-san," Psyche replied as his magenta orbs swirled.

Shizuo frowned deeper. "That… doesn't sound right…"

"Affirmative. I will rewrite the protocol to Shizuo-san," Psyche replied again.

Shizuo jumped. As soon as Psyche's voice, encoded to be exactly the same as Izaya's, said the name, "Shizuo", the blonde had expected him to say "Shizu-chan" instead.

Shizuo was silent. "That… doesn't sound right coming from your voice either Psyche."

"Please re-encode Psyche's protocol."

Shizuo thought about it. After a long, extensive pause that lasted over ten minutes as Shizuo mulled deeply, he finally said.

"Could you… try calling me Shizu-chan?"

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo shivered at such a deadpan voice that echoed Izaya's, yet without any of his snarks and teasing. It felt too surreal.

"Never mind. Maybe we shouldn't have you call me Shizu-chan."

"Affirmative, master."

"No wait," Shizuo hesitated once more. "Could you… repeat it once more?"

"Master."

"No the other one…." Shizuo flushed a bit.

"Shizu-chan."

"… again?"

"Shizu-chan."

"… one more time?"

"Shizu-chan."

"…."

Shizuo was quiet as he wiped his eyes with his finger.

"Yeah, let's just go with that for now, Psyche."

"It is my pleasure, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo smiled weakly.

* * *

[Present time Day 3]

"So since you're a robot, you remember everything, right?"

"Affirmative, Shizu-chan."

"You can just say yes or no…."

"Yes Shizu-chan."

Shizuo sighed at the robotic tone of Psyche's intonation. He might as well say "Affirmative, master" and it would have sounded the same. It was freakier since it was Izaya's voice saying it.

"Well, whatever." He dismissed it, but quickly asked, "So whatever you see or hear, you'll never forget?"

"As long as my memory chip remains intact, yes Shizu-chan."

"I see. So you won't forget it no matter what? It won't be erased or anything?" Shizuo looked a bit excited, like a child who found a new toy.

"Oh man, I'm really sorry some of your first memories with me are so violent as we were escaping that damn lunatic cell," Shizuo chuckled.

"But, let's start it with now." Shizuo said as he looked up at those magenta orbs as Psyche sat across from him in the train cabin that quickly travelled away from Tokyo.

"What to tell you first…" Shizuo pondered, his smile a bit goofy and silly as he thought over what he wanted to say and tell Psyche for his 'first time.'

"Ah yes." Shizuo coughed and cleared his throat. He tasted a bit of iron near the back but he ignored it.

"I want you to know…" Shizuo started, "… that I'm happy you were born Psyche. I'm very happy. You were born to this world to be loved, and no matter what people tell you, don't ever erase this message."

"Yes Shizu-chan," Psyche replied, though his program did not understand the deeper meaning of this message.

"I want you to carve it into that chip of yours permanently if possible," Shizuo nodded seriously.

"Yes Shizuo-chan."

"Good," Shizuo sighed in exhaustion. He looked around the cabin and found a small plug for the cabin members to use. "Could you please charge up while we're here Psyche?"

"Yes Shizu-chan." Immediately, the young robot took out his cord and started charging.

Noticing the headset, Shizuo stretched out his hand. "Can you lend me your headphone as well Psyche?"

Promptly, Psyche took off his headset and gave it to his master wordlessly. Shizuo put it on his head and took out the 'heart' chip and plugged it in. He had done this so often, he already knew how to record his subconsciousness into the program.

"…67% complete huh…. At least it's over 50%" Shizuo murmured as he closed his eyes and started recording as he drifted into sleep.

He could feel his body's overwhelming fatigue consuming him and he knew he was running out of time.

* * *

[A year and 3 weeks ago from Present Time]

"IZAYAAAAAAAA!" Shizuo shouted as he ran and reached out. His hand was able to grab onto the hoodie as Izaya dangled under him between life and death.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" Shizuo said as he tried to pull him up.

"No, Shizu-chan. What are  _you_  doing?" Izaya asked as he looked up, his ruby eyes shining even brighter that night as he cradled the dullahan's head in his arms. "Haven't you been trying to kill me for years?"

Shizuo paused, for a second not know what to say. Then he grew angry again at Izaya for putting words in his mouth. "Doesn't matter louse! I'm planning to kill you myself! Don't you dare go committing suicide on me!"

"Oh well, that's too bad isn't it Shizu-chan. Life was never fair," Izaya shrugged.

And to Shizuo's surprise, Izaya bit the hair of the head so it dangled from his mouth and then slipped his arms from the hoodie. Shizuo's eyes widened again as he watched Izaya fall. There were no last words Izaya wanted to leave behind. He simply did not care.

Shizuo immediately jumped, trying to catch up to Izaya before the freefall started. Izaya blinked, a bit surprised at seeing Shizuo crazily chase after him. Granted, he was the insane one who jumped down from a 60 story high building.

Izaya clutched onto the dullahan's head, holding onto that last bit of hope as he watched in horror as the beast sprang from the building, practically half running and half jumping to catch up to him.

' _Impossible! If this was a regular human, his legs would have crumbled!'_  Izaya watched bitterly as Shizuo grabbed onto his petite body and embraced him tightly.

Before Izaya could even struggle, Shizuo twisted his body in mid-air. For that split second, Izaya hated the fact that Shizuo had learned parkour moves while chasing him.

Shizuo shot his hand through the window, the glass shattering. His hand landed on the floor of one of the building like a hook and he used it as the leverage to throw himself inside one of the rooms, his feet kicking and shattering more windows in the process.

Finally Shizuo rolled, holding Izaya as he cushioned him from the fall, who was holding onto Celty's head like his lifeline. Shizuo's body was covered in shards of glass, though they did not pierce him deeply. Izaya peeked up and looked at the hand that had saved both of them.

"Shizu-chan really is a monster. A normal person's arm should have been shredded or at least amputated," Izaya noted calmly.

"Fuck, that hurts!" was Shizuo's only respond as he groaned and lay on the floor, with Izaya on top of him. He groaned a bit. Izaya frowned. "That's all you can say? Seriously Shizu-chan, I don't know what can even kill you. I doubt even poison could kill you. I must say, I'm quite jealous of your vigor in life."

Then Izaya coughed. For a while. Shizuo didn't care though as he lay on the floor still groaned.

"Fuck you louse. Don't do any more of your crazy shit. Ugh, what's wrong with you anyw-"

Izaya continued to cough, almost as if he was choking. Shizuo stopped yelling at him as Izaya covered his mouth and coughed some more, trying to get whatever was stuck in his throat to come out.

"Izay-" but before Shizuo could finish, Izaya started to puke.

"What the f…" Shizuo started to yell, almost pushing the small man off of him as he didn't want any disgusting vomit on his clothes. But he stopped when he saw Izaya pour red liquid from his mouth, covering them both with his sticky blood.

Shizuo froze.

"S… shit," Izaya cursed as he took a large intake of breath, finally being able to breath. His chest heaved deeply and his breath was raspy as he lay on top of Shizuo. The blonde gravely picked him up. "Do you think you can hang on until we get to the hospital?"

"Hahaha…." Izaya laughed weakly at the irony only he seemed to understand. "How funny Shizu-chan. I'm finally dying and you want to take me to the hospital? Didn't you want to kill me? I don't even understand why you saved me in the first place," Izaya looked up at his mortal enemy. There were dark circles under his eyes and his body was bony and light. Those crimson eyes that were once filled with life whispered of death that drew too close to Izaya's doorstep. He was still clutching tightly onto the dullahan's head. Shizuo walked briskly, thinking Izaya was injured from the fall.

"Just shut up louse and hang in there," Shizuo started to run, his heart telling him that something was wrong. Very wrong. "I'm taking you to Shinra. His house is closer."

"I need Celty, Shizu-chan, not Shinra. Can't your protozoan brain finally get it?" Izaya started to cough again. "Damn, I hate you Shizu-chan, you never do anything right."

"Not right now dammit, can't you see that-"

"No  _you_  listen to m-cough, cough, cough!" Izaya started to cough as he tried to raise his voice. Shizuo was able to reach the elevator and he pressed it, knowing that the elevator would be much faster than the stairs considering how it boasted to be one of the fastest elevators in the world.

"You listen to me Shizuo." Izaya wheezed and Shizuo listened. It was rare for him to call him by his name after all. And his body felt lighter by the minute and it scared the debt collector more than any other fear he had felt before.

"I hate you," Izaya said, his red eyes fiercely looking into his brown ones. "I despise your monstrous energy. I wish you even knew how lucky you are to possess such invigorating life within you. If only I had half of your strength, no, even a quarter…" Izaya was having a very difficult time breathing again. The elevator dinged and Shizuo stepped inside.

"You should save your strength," Shizuo said calmly. But his hands tightened around the frail life that was barely holding on to this world. Fear consumed Shizuo's heart and it grew cold at the thought of holding Izaya's lifeless body. It went against every natural law and order he knew. Orihara Izaya was a flea, like a cockroach that one just could not kill. And Shizuo was the other legendary monster of Ikebukuro, another creature that no one should be able to harm or kill.

But here was one of the invincible duo, dying in the arm of another. It defied all logic and natural order of life.

"If only you could just give me some of your life…" Izaya coughed weakly as more blood trickled down his mouth. Shizuo tried to gently wipe his chin, though his sleeves were already soaked in his blood. He held the man close, feeling that cold body grow colder as life seeped out painstakingly slow.

"… then I wouldn't have… so desperately…." Izaya sighed. "You will… never understand the meaning of clinging to life so frantically, not with you being so damn strong," Izaya mumbled. Shizuo did not say anything.

Izaya sighed again tiredly. Many emotions have gone through his tiny body; there was only so much he could handle at his weakened state. "I wish I could live a little bit longer Shizu-chan."

"You will," Shizuo whispered quietly into his ears. Izaya just smirked weakly, not believing in his words. But he continued to talk in that empty elevator that held only him and his old high school classmate.

"I love humans so much Shizu-chan. Their energy and vigor, how life gives them sour lemons as well as sweet cotton candies. The way the road twists and turns… and how unpredictable they can be. I wish I was able to live longer and be part of it all…"

"Shinra will fix you up."

"I'm telling you Shizu-chan, it's not Shinra who I need. But ah well, what do you know? You never understood a thing about me. But I suppose Celty should be with him so I guess it might be alright. Though I'm not sure if the Valkyrie-san will choose me as her warrior with this sad state of mine."

"Just… hold on a bit longer," Shizuo hesitated. He didn't know what else to say in these kinds of situations. It still felt too surreal to him that the almighty Izaya was actually dying. He didn't think that whatever words he was saying now might be the last words Izaya might be hearing before his death.

"Of course I will. I am Orihara Izaya. I'm not going to die so easily…" Izaya struggled and fought back to breathe but Shizuo knew time was running out.

 


	5. Chapter 5

[Still a year and 3 weeks ago]

"Oh god Celty, please hang in there!" Shinra said as he held onto the Dullahan's hand. Celty was garbed in her shadows but it had transformed into a medieval dress. Under one arm was her previous head that still had her eyes closed for the Valkyrie had not yet been awakened. But Celty Sturluson still had her head back and thousands of years of memories were flooding back into her. She was simply overwhelmed by the waves and waves of memory she had forgotten she once had, filled with people she had met, other fairies she had associated with along with several types of creatures from netherworlds and human world alike. She was jittering and quivering as she tried to recover from the overflowing memories she could not cope with at the moment.

"Shinra, please!" Shizuo pleaded.

"Not now, Shizuo! Celty needs me!" Shinra shouted, not caring about anything or anyone in the world but his dear Celty suffering in pain.

"But Izaya is  _dying!_ " Shizuo yelled.

"Since when did you ever care about Izaya?" Shinra retorted harshly, his brain unable to think of anything else but his beloved. "Didn't you want him to die anyway?"

Shizuo swallowed a lump. Yes, it was something he always said. It was something Izaya always said back to him too. But deep inside, it wasn't like that. Since back in high school, they both just did not know how to explain to each other of their own feelings. They were stubborn brats and teenagers. It was too late now.

But Shizuo gritted his teeth. It may be too late to express his feelings properly, but that was no excuse to have Izaya die like this.

"Shinra! You're a doctor!"

"Yes! I'm a doctor!" Shinra shouted. "But I'm a human too! And the woman I'm in love with is suffering Shizuo. Suffering!" Shinra's eyes brimmed with tears as he looked up. "What do you know about love? You've never loved anyone. Shizuo, I'm a doctor of humans. Not of dullahan. I don't… I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her. She's in pain and as a doctor, I don't know what medicine to prescribe to her, I don't know what kind of symptoms she's suffering from, hell, I don't even know a single thing in all my knowledge of medicine, surgery, or anything combined. Do you even know how I feel right now Shizuo?"

Shinra started to cry as he held onto those pale trembling hands of a dullahan as the black mists shifted around him. Shizuo stood silently, taking in Shinra's words carefully. He had to admit to himself, Shinra was brave. He was a man who was never afraid to admit his feelings of love. He was never afraid of getting hurt due to love. He was willing to throw everything away for love. And he had no shame to express his love no matter what.

Shizuo felt envious of the doctor that he and his friends had once called 'a perverted weirdo.'

Shizuo sat quietly next to him and placed his hand around Shinra's, who was desperately holding onto Celty's cold hands.

"Shinra. I may… not understand everything, but I understand that you're in pain. Right now, you can't do anything for Celty, and I… at least understand that pain. But you can do… something for humans. You can do something for Izaya. Please. Shinra. Celty is an immortal, but… Izaya is not. Just this once, do this for me."

Shizuo pleaded as he searched Shinra's eyes for an answer.

Shinra wipes his tears with the back of his sleeves.

"S… sorry I burst. I… just… Celty…! And…!" Shinra swallowed a lump. Then he got up and adjusted his glasses.

"Celty would scold me if I let a patient die on my duty."

Shizuo smiled.

Shinra quickly started to grab his utensils. Right before he ran to the room where Izaya lay slowly dying, he quickly turned to Shizuo for one last time.

"Shizuo, could you do me a favor?"

"Yeah?"

"P… please hold her hand for me gently. So her shadow would know she's not alone."

"Yeah. I will." Shizuo promised as he held Celty's hands.

"Thank you," with that Shinra disappeared to the other room.

* * *

[A year and 3 weeks ago contd.]

"A what?" Shizuo said as Shinra said a name of a disease that was way too long and sounded way too grave.

Shinra sighed grimly as he went back to his position and held Celty's hand.

"It's a name of a terminal disease, Shizuo. It's hereditary. I just got off the phone with Izaya's family doctor. What I'm telling you is… it's not your fault that Izaya was bleeding. He didn't have internal injuries from the fall. But there's nothing I can do to help him. I did stabilize him so he might live today."

Shizuo was confused. Nothing made sense. "I don't get it. What do you mean you fixed him up but he might also live today? That means he might not live today?"

"Shizuo. Listen to me carefully," Shinra's voice was graver than usual. Shizuo did not like it.

"Approximately two months ago, he received his death sentence. His doctor told him he had six months to live max. But Izaya could have died the very next day for all he knew. Izaya has cancer, and it has no known cure. He wasn't expected to live pass thirty."

There was a thick silence that veiled the room before Shizuo finally spoke up.

"How long… did the flea know?"

"Since he was a child. His parents were busy with work so they didn't find out about the symptoms until it was a bit later in the stage but it seems he had a family doctor for a long, long time… probably even before I met him in middle school. I guess that would explain for his twisted personality, his obsession in people and his infatuation with immortality. It explains so much of his behavior, as a man who toyed with death and lives of everyone, living his own life to the fullest extremes, yet so deathly afraid to fully immerse himself and dirty his hands..." Shinra sighed again, regretful that he had not known this earlier.

"So, how long did he have it?" Shizuo asked, still partially in disbelief.

"Shizuo, it's a hereditary disease. He was born with it. Unlike us, he wasn't living every day. Izaya… he was…" Shinra swallowed a lump before he continued, "… he was dying every day."

"… how much longer can he live Shinra?" Shizuo asked, his voice shaking now.

"… I don't know. He could die a month from now, a week from now… or even tonight."

There was another heavy silence that thickly carpeted the room. But this time it was Shinra who interrupted it.

"Do you…. want to see him?"

Shizuo remained silent. Finally he shook his head. He felt like a coward but he had seen Izaya's deathly pale face and the life blood drip out of him. He had felt that cold body grow lighter and lighter in his arms and he was scared to see him. It wasn't that he was afraid of death. He just did not want to have the image of such a weakened Izaya as the last image he remembered him as. The last image Shizuo wished to have of Izaya was of the man he chased down the streets of Ikebukuro, full of laughter and energy.

Shizuo regretted this decision for the rest of his life.

Izaya had been listening and watching from the small crack of his door. "Ah, so Shinra and Shizu-chan found out." And he saw Shizuo shake his head, refusing to see him.

Misunderstanding Shizuo's shake as something else, Orihara Izaya closed the door to his room quietly; also closing shut the door to his heart forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I could have went through the list of terminal disease and picked out one from wiki but I didn't think it mattered what Izaya was sick with, but rather that he was sick with it. Besides, I'd rather spend my time writing this fic about the feelings and emotions, rather than to go into the technicalities. So please understand the 'missing name' of the said disease.


	6. Chapter 6

[Present time. Day 4]

"Good morning, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo blinked open his eyes. Startled, he blinked again as he was faced with a smiling Izaya lying next to him, cuddling.

"Izaya?"

Izaya shook his head.

"It's Psyche, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo shook his head and groaned a bit at his headache. He tried to get up and his head bumped onto the ceiling.

"Be careful Shizu-chan. We're in the sleeping quarters of the train cabin. Please watch yourself."

Shizuo looked around, trying to figure out where he was. He was on top of a bunk bed. There were three other beds, two across and one below him. There were people sleeping on each.

Shizuo sighed as he tiredly lay back down. Psyche pulled up sheets to cover the blonde's shoulder and by doing so, Psyche's face was partially covered too.

Shizuo looked at Psyche, trying to shake off his dull ache as he reached his hand out and carefully traced those small cheeks. They were soft like a human's but just a bit cold like a machine's. Shizuo shuffled under the covers and pulled out the 'heart' chip. It read 71% complete.

The blond debt collector sighed, disappointed. No matter how many times he inputted his memory, it barely went up more than few percentages. He partially wished that he had not left Ikebukuro so he could have asked Kadota, Shinra or the twins for more of their input. However he guessed that they too probably have given their all already and not much more could be added. He wished that he knew where Celty was too so he could ask her, but he wasn't sure if this machine could read memories of a shadowy dullahan. Deep inside his heart, he knew that even if he had gotten everyone's memories put together, 'Izaya's Heart' would still be incomplete.

Shizuo sighed, filled with regret. He had nothing but regret after regret piled up in his heart. He smiled warily as he thought to himself how the twins would never forgive him now. First he had let Izaya die alone, and now he took away Psyche from them. Shizuo chuckled to himself. If they ever caught him, he'd probably be boiled alive, or whatever kind of horrifying torture they could come up with.

Shizuo once again looked at the incomplete program. The pink L.E.D. light glowed as if it was throbbing and alive. It was the regretful man's one last hope, his one last chance to know what was inside Izaya's heart and his last dying message he had left behind.

And it was only at 71% complete. Time was running out.

Shizuo turned off the 'input' setting of the headset and gave it back to Psyche. Psyche put it back on his head. It was merely a decoration when it was not in use but Psyche seemed to find it appropriate to wear the headset on his head anyway.

"Sorry Psyche. I'm sorry that you spend your time alone so much. I wish I didn't have to sleep at all so I can spend it with you."

Psyche shook his head. "It's okay Shizu-chan. Even if you're asleep, you still spend it with Psyche. You are spending your entire time with me."

Shizuo smiled weakly and pet the robot's hair. It was strangely soft. The blonde reached out, embraced the young robot and held him close.

"Psyche, I want you to engrave this into your heart."

Psyche nodded, his head tucked under Shizuo's chin. The robot decided in his program that it was not the appropriate situation to correct his master that his 'heart' program was incomplete and therefore he did not have a heart to engrave to. The hard pink case was like a recorder with two functions. One was the function to record memories. The second function was to turn 'on' the memory and replay it back into Psyche. But it was never 'turned on' since it was still incomplete program. Psyche just wore the headset anyway.

Even though the 'heart chip' was not plugged in to Psyche, the robot decided to encoded Shizuo's message into his memory chip instead. The machine was fully aware of human errors and was created to decide the most rational decision it could be made.

"Don't let anyone tell you what's impossible or possible. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. Don't let anyone tell you where you can and can't go." Shizuo smiled at the irony that only he knew.

Psyche's program was very confused. It was created to accept orders. Such a contradicting command conflicted with so many decision making program of his inner functions, but Psyche obeyed and engraved it in his memory.

"Yes Shizu-chan."

"Good," Shizuo said. Though he had been telling Psyche the same thing over and over, his heart was filled with so many regrets, he still had to pour it out over and over again, trying his best to make up for what he could not say or could not do at the appropriate time in the past. He wrapped his hands around Psyche's face gently and pulled him up for a light kiss on his forehead.

Then staring into those magenta glowing orbs, Shizuo told him directly into the robot's system, "Remember that nothing is impossible. You are here, and your existence is a miracle itself. Remember that you are born into this world to be loved. Don't forget that your existence is a miracle and…" Shizuo's voice trailed off a bit, but he knew he had to say it properly this time. "I love you very much." Shizuo finally said, though there was a bit of strain in his voice as he finished his last sentence. He knew he had to say it, in order for the robot to record it in his memory forever.

And the robot with Izaya's voice simply replied, "Yes, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo stared at those magenta eyes that reflected his own filled with sorrow. He wrapped his arms around that small body and held him tightly as he whispered,

"Why was I so stupidly stubborn back then…"

Psyche did not understand the meaning of those words but still absorbed everything he saw and heard from his master.

* * *

[A year and 3 months ago]

Izaya stared at his bloody hand and froze as fear clutched his heart and held it tightly. He had always known that one day he would die. He had always known that his body was different no matter how much he pushed himself physically and fooled everyone that he was healthy.

'Ah… so it really is finally starting. My final death march.'

There was so much he wanted to do with his life. So much he wanted to see, to hear, to feel, and to experience. There were so many things he had not seen, not done, not heard, not felt and had not yet experienced. It looked like he better gain his immortality soon or else he—

"Iiizaaayaaa-kuuun~"

Izaya's thoughts were broken as he looked across the building from the railing he was at. Shizuo was standing there with a sign post ready to crush him with.

"Fucking louse, I told you not to come to Ikebukuro and stink up the place."

Izaya quickly wiped the blood off from his mouth with the back of his hand and hid it behind his back.

"Shizu-chan, didn't you miss me?" Izaya asked with a fake coy smile as he tried his best to hide his pain. His heart was beating fast again, though it could be from the running.

"Like hell I do! I fucking hate you Izaya. I wish you were never born!" Shizuo shouted his usual banter to Izaya's words. "If you fucking dropped and died, I couldn't be ever happier."

Izaya took in those words calmly. Shizuo cocked his head at the silence. Normally Izaya should be taking out his switch blade and pointing it at him, followed by strings of cunning and deceitful words.

But tonight Izaya was different. Instead his expression was unreadable to Shizuo.

"How is your scar?" Izaya asked instead.

Shizuo looked confused. "What scar?"

"That time I cut you when we first me."

Shizuo chuckled out loud. "Ahahaha! That ol' thing? It left no scar!"

"What about the time when the truck hit you?"

Shizuo shrugged and winded his arm, getting his arm warmed up to throw the sign post. "Didn't get a scar from that time either. I'm fully healed."

"I see. Then your body's strong enough to recover from every single cut and marks I've left on you."

Shizuo frowned. "What are you getting out louse."

"You're such a monster Shizu-chan. No matter how many times I cut you, hit you, rip you, or mark you, you heal up immediately without leaving behind a single scar."

"So what?" Shizuo scowled, not noticing the strange intonation in Izaya's voice but rather simply angry at being called a 'monster' again.

Izaya was silent for a moment. Then his expression turned quite sinister.

"Since I've failed no matter how many times I try to scar you to leave my mark, let me engrave something on your heart instead."

Shizuo was silent as chills ran down his spine as he watched those swirling ruby eyes that glinted with malice.

"I hate you Shizu-chan. I despise you so much. I hope that my hatred will be a permanent mark on your heart so that no matter how many times you try to rub it clean, it will never be erased."

Shizuo remained silent as those words sank into his heart. Something from the back of his mind told him that he had heard something similar before. Something he heard from several years ago, buried in his memory, but he could not remember anymore.

Something about Izaya wondering what he would write on his face.

While Shizuo stood still, trying to recover his memory that he had forgotten, Izaya dashed off, wiping his bloody hand on his black coat. He ran and ran, clutching at his heart that was beating too erratically, and beating just a bit too fast. He coughed again, feeling the taste of fresh iron on the back of his mouth. But he didn't stop. He needed to be as far away as he could be from Shizu-chan.

Because if he stood even a second longer next to Heiwajima Shizuo, Izaya felt as if his heart would burst.


	7. Chapter 7

[Present time. Day 4 Night]

"Izaya…" Shizuo moaned in his sleep.

Psyche lay next to him once again. His program wished that his body could produce heat like humans so that his master wouldn't shiver at night. All he could do was hold his master and try to make sure that the blanket did not fall off his shoulders.

Each time a watery liquid fell down from his master's eyes, Psyche wiped it with his white fur gently, doing his very best to make sure he wouldn't wake him up.

Psyche did not understand why humans cried. Psyche did not understand why humans hated pain but would continue to do things that made them suffer. His program did not understand the irrationality of human beings though he was also programmed to accept that humans are irrational and that they error.

Psyche did not know who this "Izaya" was that his master always mentioned in his sleep as he cried. But his eyes recorded the images of his master's sorrowful voice filled with nothing but regret and how his face cringed from time to time from nightmares as he revisited his memories.

What is his master dreaming?

Psyche looked down at the 'heart' program that glowed with pinkish light. It read 72%.

Psyche held it close between the two of them. His program wished that his 'heart' program would be completed soon. He was programmed to please his master. He was programmed to know that 'smile' indicated that he had succeeded in pleasing his master.

Psyche still had yet to see his master 'smile'.

So Psyche hoped that his 'heart' would be completed soon. The mysterious program that held hopes, dreams, tears, and happiness of so many people it had touched. He clutched it in his hands as he watched his master input more of his painful memories and waited patiently as he wiped away another tear from his master's cheek.

* * *

[A year 18 days before Ch 1]

"Don't tell me what's impossible or possible in this world! I'm Orihara Izaya and I am  _not_  going to die!"

With that, Izaya grabbed a plushie that Kururi brought and placed next to him and threw it at Shinra's face. If there was anything else that had harder substance, he would have thrown them first but there was only that by his side. He was sitting in the hospital bed, hooked up to various machines that read his heart beat and body temperature amongst various things. He looked thinner and paler than before.

Shinra sighed and looked up at Kadota with pleading eyes. Kadota scratched his head and sighed too.

"Look Izaya, I know this is very difficult…" the man with the beanie started.

"Oh now I'm being  _difficult_  am I?" Izaya scoffed.

"You know that's not what I meant," Kadota went on.

Shinra pushed the will in front of Izaya one more time.

"Look, you really need to think of the twins…"

"Bullshit. You always bring up family members and close friends with these kinds of things."

"Izaya! Look, we're not saying we want you to  _die_  by signing this. You're being unreasonable here."

"No I am not. I'm not dying, therefore I don't need a will," Izaya crossed his arms with finality in his voice. "Where's Celty. It's her I need, not a damn piece of paper that's signing me off as if I'm dead."

Shinra exploded at that point, "WHO'S FAULT do you think it is that SHE'S RUNNING AROUND THE WORLD right now huh?" Shinra got up, almost ready to punch his friend. Kadota quickly held Shinra back.

"Shinra! Calm down!"

"No I won't! Celty's being chased by  _everyone_  and her spirit can't rest at all! It's all because of this damn  _mandman's_  theory that she can grant immortality! What if she can't huh? Has anyone thought about that?" Shinra practically broke down at that point. Izaya rolled his eyes that said 'whatever.' Kadota looked exhausted.

"Okay, this is getting really ridiculous. Either he signs this now, or I'm going home." Namie said as she stepped in to the room. Izaya raised his eyebrow.

"Why Namie-san. Fancy seeing you here."

Namie just shrugged as a reply.

Shinra had calmed himself now, as he had accepted that Celty was gone when she had to run from the men chasing after her from Nebula. She could not return home anymore. He was slowly becoming used to her absence.

He sniffled as he muttered, "I thought we would keep everything within a close knit circle. It's not like you know many close friends, Izaya."

"Oh? So she's the third witness?" Izaya said as he looked at the will and scoffed at it.

"Ah no. She's the notary…." Shinra said. "The third witness is…"

"… is me."

Izaya's heart skipped a beat at the voice. He slowly turned his head toward the door to see Shizuo leaning against it. He had been outside listening all the time.

The machine that was calculating his heart beat began to beep faster. And faster. And faster.

Izaya gritted his teeth and said, "Who brought a monster here as a witness? I believe only humans can be witness for a will." Shizuo's eyebrows twitched.

"Izaya…" Shinra said in an exasperated tone.

"Get him out! Get that protozoan beast out! I don't want him here!" Izaya exploded in anger, thrashing about. He grabbed his pillow and threw it as hard as he could at Shizuo.

"Fuck, why is he here? So you are here to see me sign my death contract too huh? Is that it? Oh I see how it is. It's a nice little conspiracy isn't it? Ahahaha... everyone wants to see little Orihara Izaya die. How fucking lovely."

"Izaya!" now even Kadota tried to restrain Izaya who was grabbing the heart rate machine in anger to throw it at Shizuo. The machine fell to the floor by the bed since Izaya was far too weak to throw it across the room. He pulled at the cords hastily. Several sensors connected to his bony body were ripped off of him as he wildly resisted Kadota's attempt to calm him down and restrain him from hurting himself.

Shizuo stood still, watching Izaya turn into a madman before him, not knowing what to do. Shinra quickly got up and pulled Shizuo out of the room before Izaya could hurt himself even further.

"Here. This is what you want isn't it?" Izaya grabbed the will and scribbled his name wildly.

"There! Take this piece of paper and all of you  _GET OUT!_ "

Izaya shoved the will in front of Kadota.

Kadota and Namie grimly took it and started to walk out as Izaya lay on his bed, huffing.

"… Izaya…" Kadota started to say as he turned to look back at him. Izaya still had his body and facing the other way. Kadota just sighed and closed the door behind him. He went to get a nurse to fix the machinery and wire Izaya back up.

Izaya clutched at his heart that beat wildly and frantically. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down as his chest heaved up and down deeply. He hoped that his acting was good enough that they would think his heart rate went up due to anger, and no other reason.

"Dammit…" Izaya whispered weakly as he lay in the half destroyed hospital room with broken machines all around him. There was only silence save for the few sounds of buzzing of equipment. He had forced everyone out of his room but now that he was alone, he felt the loneliness creep up again. He loved humans. He wanted to be around their constant energy.

But Izaya lay there alone with dying mechanisms as his only company.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note. I'm not sure how it is in Japan, but where I'm from you need a notary and 3 witnesses present to sign the will. The witnesses must not be a family member or a relative and can not be named in the will.


	8. Chapter 8

[A year 15 days before Ch 1]

"I refuse to stay in this jail cell even for a second longer!"

Shizuo could hear Izaya screaming at the twins. Kadota and Shinra were inside as well. But he stood outside, hesitating. He might be a bit slow at things, but even he knew how to read moods. And he knew that walking in now with a bouquet in hand was probably not a good idea.

At first he had picked white lilies without knowing what they were, just thinking that they were pretty. They were pure and pristine white. Tom immediately stopped him and told him that white flowers, especially lilies, were for the dead. Though Shizuo had wanted to pick the flowers himself, he allowed Tom to pick the appropriate flowers to bring.

"Carnations," Tom told him as he personally picked out a handful of red and pink flowers for his kouhai. Shizuo looked at them incredulously but he trusted his sempai's judgment more than his own.

The blonde held onto his bouquet of flowers tightly as he stood outside, not knowing if he should enter or not. Through the crack of the door, he could clear hear Izaya's voice ring strongly as he protested.

"Don't tell me where I can and can't go! Who the fuck do you think you are talking to? I  _refuse_  to die alone in this damn cold hospital bed!" Izaya was screaming at the top of his lungs until he started his coughing fit. There were sounds of the twins crying "Iza-nii! Iza-nii!" and Kadota and Shinra both trying to calm him down.

"You're being unreasonably selfish Izaya," Kadota's stern voice continued.

"Oh yeah? Well why don't  _you_  try dying for once, or maybe even twice? It's quite nice  _really~_ " Izaya's voice reeked with malice. "It's a splendid walk in the park, lovely with all the hellfires  _blazing_  all around you to warm you tush toasty." Izaya was getting extremely sarcastic.

"Izaya… look..."

"No,  _you_  listen to me. I am  _not_  staying here one more day. Fuck that, I am not staying here one more minute! If you are going to  _shove_  down my throat that I'm dying, then I plan to die  _my way._  And  _my way_  is  _not_  dying here. I want to eat ootoro for breakfast every day, not this hospital food crap! And for lunch and dinner, I'm planning to eat at the best restaurants Tokyo has to offer and that's  _final!_  And if I'm going to die, I am  _not_  dying in this crappy hospital bed but my own! Don't you  _dare_  tell me I'm being selfish because the selfish ones are  _you guys_ who can't give me some of your life energy so I can live another day!"

Izaya huffed as he took a pause to take breather as the others silently listened.

"So don't you dare tell me what I can or cannot do. I am Orihara Izaya and nothing is impossible for me!" Izaya then sat up straight haughtily. "Oh and by the way, I am  _not_  dying. Let's get that cleared first."

Kadota and Shinra both said, "Izaya!" and the twins chorused, "But Izaya-nii!"

"No buts! I am NOT staying here! And that's final!" there was a loud crash as Izaya practically fell off the bed so he could crawl out. His lower body was already half paralyzed, making his legs almost useless for proper walking.

When Shizuo heard the crash, he could not help himself and rushed inside to see if Izaya was alright. His heart felt crushed to see such a weakened Izaya down on his knees instead of jumping up and down full of energy. He looked too thin and too pale. And to see Izaya desperately cling to life and crawling on the floor like an insect was not what Shizuo wanted to see at all. Shizuo was too used to seeing Izaya standing at a high place looking down on humans like they were tiny insects. To actually see him turn into the flea he had always called him was more heart wrenching than he expected.

Izaya looked up and his eyes met Shizuo's own brown eyes. Even the debt collector could notice that those crimson eyes lacked its usual luster. And Izaya saw pity and sadness he had never seen before in Shizuo's eyes as the blonde gazed down on him.

Immediately the machine started to beep wildly as it rapidly calculated the change in Izaya's heart rate.

"Fuck!" Izaya yanked at the cords again angrily. The machine crashed to the floor as Izaya became hysterical once again.

"Who the hell brought  _him_ here? I believe visitations are not allowed for monsters and beasts in this hospital!"

Shizuo's heart felt crushed at hearing those words which never had hurt him as much as it did now. He didn't even get angry. His hands tightened around the bouquet that he had brought with him, crushing those fragile stems without realizing.

"Shizuo onii-chan! Please leave! You're making him too angry! His heart and body can't take it at this rate!" Mairu cried as he held onto Izaya. He had started his coughing fit and Shizuo's eyes widened again as blood started to pour once more. The sickening smell filled the air and memories from just a week ago flooded back to him as he held Izaya's limp and bloody body in his arms.

"Leave!" Kururi cried out too as she held onto her brother and tried to get him back on the bed. Shizuo stood there still frozen, seeing Kadota pick up that weak body so easily. Even as Shinra pulled him away, Shizuo's eyes could not look away from Izaya as the twins tried their best to wipe away the blood. The door closed shut finally, cutting off the view of Izaya, but Shizuo still remained stunned. With Shinra guiding him, his brain barely registered himself walking down the steps and out of the hospital.

It wasn't until he got to his apartment when he realized that he was still holding onto that bouquet of flowers he had wanted to give to Izaya.

* * *

[A year 9 days before Ch 1]

"How is he?" Shizuo asked as on the phone. He had given up on visiting Izaya now. Instead he called Shinra daily for an update.

"Very weak. He's bedridden. He can't even stay awake for long in wheelchairs so we can't even take him out of his bedroom anymore. He's pretty upset I think but he's asleep most of the time now so…." Shinra sighed.

Shizuo nodded. "How are the twins taking it?"

"Still taking 12 hour shifts around the clock. It's nearly killing them too as they stay up and watch over him as he sleeps."

"Thanks Shinra, for being with him at his side all the time."

"… please don't thank me. I'm a terrible doctor," Shinra said, his voice breaking just a bit.

"No, but you're…"

"I… am not by his side all the time, Shizuo." Shinra interrupted him. "I'm at my own apartment right now."

Shizuo was a bit confused. "Are you… there to pick up some medication?"

Shinra chuckled weakly, "That's one of many excuses. Actually I could have all the medication delivered to me. But any excuse will do… I just wish to stay here for an hour in case Celty comes back home."

Shizuo did not say anything. Shinra quickly added, "I… I know everyone's mourning over Izaya dying. And I know this is very selfish of me as a doctor, with a patient dying in my care but just in case Celty does come back home, I don't want her to come back to an empty house! I didn't want Celty to think that I've abandoned our love nest! So… so just in case, I just come back for one hour per day…. Hahaha… so foolish of me isn't it, Shizuo?"

"No. It's not selfish of you to have an hour dedicated to yourself and someone you love, Shinra," Shizuo said.

The blonde could hear Shinra sobbing on the other side of the phone and did not comment. Shinra truly was brave, Shizuo thought. He always managed to love to the fullest without any regrets.

To love without regrets. It was something Shizuo wished he had done.

"Is… there anything else going on Shinra?" Shizuo asked finally when Shinra had calmed down.

"Izaya really needs his rest so I specifically ordered no more visitations from others," Shinra said as his voice hiccupped a bit.

Shizuo swallowed a lump. So this was it. He would never see Izaya again. Something told him that even though he had once feared seeing Izaya's weakened state, he could not let it end like this. He regretted now, that he did not take the chance two weeks ago to see Izaya when he was lying in Shinra's apartment's room right after he was rescued from the fall from Sunshine 60. He did not know Izaya had seen him shake his head and refused to see him, but regardless, Shizuo knew that that was his last chance he could have seen him. And he had let it slip through his fingers because he was a coward.

"Shinra… could I ask you a favor?" Shizuo's voice shook just a bit. He had to do this properly this time. He couldn't keep running away.

"Yeah?"

"Could… I see Izaya once? Just once is enough."

There was so much Shizuo wanted to tell him. So many things he wanted to share. Even if it was too late to spend time with Izaya, create more memories, or experience life together, Shizuo still wanted to tell him everything that he had kept inside him for years. He had to stop being so stupidly stubborn.

"Well, I.. don't know. The twins won't approve of you and it is true that the moment Izaya sees you, he gets uncontrollably angry and starts coughing blood…" Shinra frowned. "He really doesn't want to see you, you know. You're sending him to an early death…"

Shizuo's heart fell.

"But-" Shinra continued. "I'll be honest, whether you send him to an early death or not, he'll still die. I don't think he'll live more than a week or two now… so it's better that you see him before…" the doctor trailed off. He then spoke with more determination, "I'll see what I can do, Shizuo."

Shizuo nodded, "Thanks Shinra."

And this time, Shizuo decided that he would do it properly.

* * *

[A year 3 days before Ch 1]

Shizuo was at the door of Izaya's apartment. It almost felt strange to knock on it instead of kicking it down as he used to. Shizuo smirked sadly at the change.

"Ah, come on in," Shinra said as he opened the door. The twins were silent as Shizuo walked in, only nodding in acknowledgement. Their expressions looked grim and guarded. Shizuo noticed that their eyes looked dead.

Shizuo knew he himself did not sleep much for days but seeing the twins made him realize even more how severe this situation was. Time was running out every second.

"Twins only agreed because Izaya's been asleep," Shinra sighed as he led Shizuo to Izaya's bedroom upstairs.

Shizuo did not understand the meaning behind that word and looked at Shinra perplexed.

Shinra held the door knob and before he opened it, he grimly told Shizuo in the face, "Izaya, haven't woken up in five days straight, Shizuo. We… don't even know if he'll ever wake up."

Those words sunk in heavily as Shinra opened the bedroom door.

Shizuo took a tentative step inside. He thought he was prepared but his heart still froze at the sight of sleeping Izaya hooked up to so many machines that was keeping him alive. There was no sound in the dead-still room save for the constant heart rate machine that beeped back the slowly ebbing pulse.

Shizuo quietly walked over and sat next to his dying friend. He pulled out that bony hand and held it. It felt… no, Shizuo did not even know what it felt like as he held the hand of a dying man. Shizuo could not describe what it felt like to stare at the face with dark bags under Izaya's eyes. In fact, he could barely recognize this lifeless man as Orihara Izaya, the man that he could never harm no matter what kind of violent rampage Shizuo went on.

"Izaya… can you hear me?" Shizuo whispered. Izaya made no respond. The heart rate machine beeped back regularly that told him no, he could not.

"Hey, Izaya. There's so much I want to tell you. So much… I wish I had said and done back then. Please tell me it's not too late."

Izaya still made no response.

Shizuo breathed laboriously. He never knew that it hurt so much to say these words that Shinra had no trouble blabbing to everyone about. The blonde squeezed his hands together into a prayer as he held onto that thin small hand.

"Please wake up just one last time. I want to… make it up to you."

Izaya's heart still beeped back constantly. He remained asleep.

Shizuo let out a deep staggering sigh. "Why… why was I so stupidly stubborn back then." The debt collector tightly held that hand, never letting it go as he sat next to his friend dying in his death bed, hoping that Izaya would know in his sleep that he was there for him.


	9. Chapter 9

[A year 3 days before Ch 1 -Night time-]

 _Ppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—_ _  
_

The sharp sound grated Shizuo's ears as he woke up with a headache. He reached out to turn off the alarm.

Then he paused.

He wasn't in his room. He was in Izaya's room. He had fallen asleep next to Izaya while he had waited, hoping he would miraculously wake up.

Shizuo's heart stopped when he noticed where the sound was coming from as his eyes focused on the heart rate machine that was calculating Izaya's heart beat.

"SHINRA!" Shizuo screamed as he quickly got on top of the bed. He put his hands on top of Izaya's chest and started to perform CPR. He pushed at the center in methodic beats, and then he quickly covered those cold lips with his as he tried to instill life back into those inanimate lungs again and again.

Shizuo straightened up again to pump at Izaya's chest as he screamed for the second time desperately, " _SHINRAAAAA!_ "

Shinra burst through the doors with a large black suit case. He threw it on the floor next to the bed and quickly pulled out the cardiac defibrillator. Shinra immediately knew what had happened when he heard Shizuo's desperate cry. Shizuo was glad that Shinra was prepared.

Shizuo got off of Izaya as soon as Shinra prepared the defibrillator settings and turned it on. The doctor took over the blonde's place as he got the electrodes in place and pumped the electricity. The twins were by the door, holding each other and sobbing as they prayed together.

Surge of electricity ran wildly as Shinra continued to pump again and again. Izaya's body jolted each time but it still remained lifeless. Shizuo walked away step by step until his back finally came in contact with a wall. He leaned on it as his legs gave in and he slid down against it. He watched Shinra frantically try to bring back Izaya from the dead and he too gripped his hands into fists as he prayed.

The good doctor did not give up for an hour and a half. By then, he was all sweat and too exhausted to continue the procedure. The twins started to wail as Shinra sadly shook his head and his arms grew limp by his side.

Shizuo didn't want to believe it. In the end, he was unable to tell Izaya what he had wanted to tell him for years. Shizuo's mind was blank, not willing to accept that Orihara Izaya had finally died.

But Shinra did not mourn just yet.

"Shizuo… did… he cough blood before he died?" Shinra asked puzzled as he looked at the center of Izaya's chest.

The blonde looked back up, his eyes empty as he couldn't process what Shinra was asking of him. "I don't know. He was already dead when I called you."

Mairu and Kururi's eyes grew wide and started to cry all over again.

"So you didn't see him cough blood?"

"S… sorry. I… fell asleep." Shizuo looked away guiltily.

"YOU WHAT?" Mairu burst in anger and screamed viciously, "How COULD you Shizuo onii-chan!"

"Not now Mairu!" Shinra yelled back at the young girl who almost lashed out at the man twice her size. Shinra seriously frowned, more upset at the peculiarities of Izaya's death.

Shinra got up slowly and everyone could see the smudge of blood in the middle of Izaya's chest.

"This doesn't make sense. Why is there blood on his chest but not in his mouth?" his doctor's senses kicked in as Shinra looked at Izaya perplexed. He quickly pulled off the covers and looked at his body thoroughly.

Shinra quickly lifted Izaya's finger that had dried blood. "He ripped the skin off of his finger! This wasn't here today! If you were asleep and didn't do this, then that means he must have been awake and…"

Everyone froze in realization. They all turned their heads to look at Shizuo who in turn unfolded his fist and stared at his hand for the first time.

The hand that was holding onto Izaya's, was smudged with blood.

"Izaya… he was awake." Shinra realized. "He was awake briefly and he left you a dying message!"

Uncontrollable waves of excruciating pain took over Shizuo's heart as the blonde started to shake violently. Izaya had miraculously awakened for a brief moment.

And Shizuo had slept through it all. He had missed that one chance that the miracle had given him.

With his last dying breath, Izaya had cut his own finger and used his last drops of life to write him a dying message.

And Shizuo had smudged Izaya's precious last words that he had written on his hand in his desperation to save him.

Due to Shizuo's carelessness, Izaya had…

"Iza-nii died alone!" Mairu wailed. "How  _could_  you Shizuo onii-chan! How  _could_  you? In his last moment, no one was there for him! I'll NEVER forgive you!"

Kururi held back Mairu though she also was in pain. But Shizuo did not care if the twins lashed out at him or tried to cut his throat. He stared at his hand instead, trying to decipher what Izaya had written. The blood had dried and smudged too thinly. It was impossible to make out what Izaya was trying to tell him with the last of his strength.

Shizuo jumped up and ran over to the bed.

"Wake up Izaya!" Shizuo shouted at the pale body that lay still.

"Wake up for me please! Just one last time! I need to know what you wanted to tell me! Don't you dare die on me now!" Shizuo banged on that chest hard, trying his best to bring back that miracle called 'life.' The blonde wailed like a beast as warm tears fell down on to the cold face, falling down cheeks and caressing them gently before it dripped on to the sheets.

But miracle of life never occurred twice to the dead.

Shizuo grabbed the cold body and screamed in agony, "IZAYAAAA!"

* * *

[A year and a day before Ch1 + a day before Shizuo makes a deal with Shingen]

It was a sunny and a warm day. Perfect day for funeral, the preacher said.

If Shizuo was near him to hear him say that, he would have knocked all of his teeth out.

Shizuo stood outside the graveyard, on top of a hill that looked over it. He could see the small gathering of clusters of people as they came to briefly give their regards. Shizuo could make out a few yakuza who showed up with several large flower arrangements on easels. Even some biker gangs came by. Several other various people stopped by to leave flowers.

Shizuo watched as Kasuka walked in and handed the twins the hand-picked lilies that the blonde had bought. They were pure and pristine white. Shizuo knew he was uninvited to Izaya's funeral and had asked if Kasuka could at least deliver the bouquet of flowers. His younger brother calmly agreed, taking time off of his busy schedule to visit the grave. The twins accepted the bouquet only because of their love for Yuuhei though they still could not forgive the debt collector.

Shizuo sighed in relief as he watched Kasuka hand the white lilies to the twins and Kururi grimly places it next to the grave stone. He had finally given his bouquet of flowers to Izaya.

His lips twitched again as his body craved for smoke, but the blonde gritted his teeth. He had quit smoking once he had learned that Izaya was dying of cancer.

Instead he looked at his hand once more, splotched with crusted blood. Shinra had looked at it disapprovingly at his unsanitary decision when Shizuo refused to wash it even after two days have gone by. But Shinra did not say anything, which was good. If he had, Shizuo would have punched him.

Shizuo studied it again and again, trying to make out the patterns on his palm, trying to connect the blurred lines together to make a word or a phrase. His palm was big, but not big enough to write something long. It would have to have been a word.

Shizuo smiled sadly as he thought that the word for love, 'ai' 愛 would be too difficult to write in blood.

"I really am a fool, Izaya," Shizuo thought to himself as he had hoped against hope that he had written that word.

He could still hear Izaya's voice whisper to him in his memories.

_'What if I drew on your face and marked you with the permanent marker? I wonder what I would write?'_

Shizuo wished that Izaya had a permanent marker to write on his face that day. Anything would have been fine. Any hint that would save him form this torture of not knowing what Izaya had wanted to tell him back then. All he had in his memory was Izaya's finger tracing his lips and the memory of his hands pulling him in as their lips lightly brushed each other.

The ghostly whispers continued to haunt him.

_'I hate you Shizu-chan. I despise you so much. I hope that my hatred will be a permanent mark on your heart so that no matter how many times you try to rub it clean, it will never be erased.'_

Shizuo once again looked at the palm of his hand. Izaya could have written how much he hated him. But the word 'kirai' 嫌 was also pretty difficult to pull off. Izaya could have written it in hiragana though.

Shizuo's simple mind just could not phantom what Izaya had written on his hand no matter how hard he thought.

If only there was a way to turn back time, to bring them back to that moment that Izaya was alive. If only there was a way to simulate the same scene. If only there was a way to unlock the secrets within Izaya's heart.

_'How could you Shizuo onii-chan! How could you? In his last moment, no one was there for him! I'll NEVER forgive you!'_

Shizuo chuckled weakly, he could never forgive himself either.

Memories flooded inside Shizuo's mind as he remembered every single moment he shared with Izaya. There wasn't a single clue that told him what Izaya had written on his hand, his final dying message that he used the last of his strength and blood to leave behind.

"Hey, what was it like when you woke up and saw me, Izaya?" Shizuo asked as he looked at his bloodied hand.

"At your final moment when you realized that you were gonna die alone all because of stupid monster like me. Did you want to die with the twins by your side? Or perhaps someone else. Heh, I guess the fact that I fell asleep next to you must have pissed you off a lot huh…"

Shizuo laughed weakly at the comedic scene as he imagined what it would be like to lay there as death came to engulf you… and your mortal enemy snoring by your bedside. Then he chuckled. Then he laughed uncontrollably as his body shook and used his other clean hand to slap his forehead at the joke that was just too cruel.

His heart wept miserably as he envisioned Izaya awake in his bed at his final moment alone.

Shizuo sighed staggeringly after he had finished crying. He made a decision. He needed to get Izaya back. Somehow, one way or the other, he will bring him back from the dead. Shizuo would sit through whatever hell that he needed to go through, whatever torture he was put through, in order to rewind that clock and go back to that brief second when the miracle had occurred.

Shizuo owed Izaya at least that much, even if it would cost his own life. He needed to know Izaya's last dying message and this time, nothing would stop him from unlocking his heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note written on Drrrkinkmeme (9-2-10) :
> 
> Quick apology to all the readers. I crashed last night finally and was able to sleep 8 hours. Thank gawd, since I was only sleeping 2hrs, 5hrs, then 3 hrs consecutively. Shizaya ghosts are scary, they won't let you sleep no matter whut D: I kept waking up with scenes of my story replaying over and over, telling me to get up and write it. I think Izaya died at 5am because no matter when I fell asleep, I kept waking up around 5am. (My alarm is at 8am) this time I woke up at 7am~ yay?
> 
> Once I wrote the chapter where Izaya died, at least i stopped waking up at 5am pfff... Maybe Izaya had finally let go of me after I wrote that chapter... though I guess Shizuo is still with me or something if i still woke up before my alarm. lol.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments. I think the anon!kink meme's etiquette is not to reply to the comments, which is ironic since i want to show that I appreciate the comments by replying but the proper etiquette is 'not' to reply orz... But truly I appreciate ALL the comments no matter what.
> 
> I'm so glad you guys were able to share this journey with me because it really is painful to write this. As i've written before, I may not be able to fangirl my own fic, but Iamin pain while I write this fill. I make sure I re-watch the amv until i'm feeling excruciating pain before I start writing so i can convey my feelings into a story. I've never written a fic that compelled me so much and poured so much soul into within 4 days, without sleeping or eating. (everything I ate i wanted to puke it out. I just drank a lot of water) All I want to do is somehow convey the love between shizuo and izaya as much as I could. (I don't think shizuo's ghost will rest in peace until I do so lol)
> 
> Anyways, enough about me. this finally marks the end of the 3rd arc. Here's the final arc of my fic, please enjoy Shizuo's last journey as he searches for his answer. Thank you again for reading.
> 
> \----------------
> 
> To the Readers at ff (dot) net . Don't worry guys, I still wake up at 5am or 7am (even though my alarm is at 8am lol) I eat better now and I do get sleep. The fic is coming to a closure and the Shizaya ghosts are finally fading little by little. This truly was the most haunted fic ever. Several of my friends who were reading it said they got sick rofl. (one of them accused me of making her cry for several days and caught a cold OTL) as silly as that may sound or arrogant, not sure how you would interpret it, I love this fic to death. I hope I will be able to fulfill the drrrkinkmeme prompt to its justice.
> 
> Now then. The final chapters are unfolding. Please stay with me as we follow the path of Heiwajima Shizuo and Psyche in their search to unlock Izaya's Heart.
> 
> I love all of you.
> 
> \---------------
> 
> To the readers on AO3, if you made it this far, wow and thank you. To this day, it's been 3 years since i finished this fic and i still think it's my best work thus far. Thank you so much for your continued reading. I love you guys.


	10. Chapter 10

[Present time Day 5 –Morning-]

Shizuo woke up with a coughing fit. After his coughing finally settled, he looked at his bloody hand, which only reminded him again of that day a year ago as he had tried desperately to decipher that dying message.

The ex-debt collector swallowed the taste of blood that lingered at the back of his throat. He chuckled lightly as he mumbled, 'two months my ass…. It'd be lucky if I survived two more days…'

Shizuo could still hear Izaya's voice in his head.

_'Seriously Shizu-chan, I don't know what can even kill you. I doubt even poison could kill you. I must say, I'm quite jealous of your vigor in life._

_You will… never understand the meaning of clinging to life so frantically, not with you being so damn strong,'_ _  
_

Shizuo chuckled lightly as he looked out the window. "Sorry Izaya, for not understanding you back then. I hope I'm making it up for it now."

Psyche was next to him as he grabbed a napkin. He held Shizuo's bloody hand and started to wipe it clean. At first Shizuo almost instinctively pulled away, but then his mind told him that this wasn't Izaya's dying message and it was okay to clean it.

Shizuo took off the headset and looked at the pink device. It read 74%.

The blonde sighed, noticing that his breathing faltered as he did so. Within the privacy of their train cabin, Shizuo carefully took off his vest and shirt to peel off the bandages. Psyche was already ready as he took out the small first aid kit that Shinra had given them.

Shizuo scrutinized his grey skin, observing that he wasn't healing properly at all. Psyche already unrolled the fresh bandages and started redressing Shizuo's wound. The first thing Shizuo decided he would have to do was get a new outfit, since his was torn with bullet holes and soaked in his dry blood.

The train made an announcement as it broadcasted that they would be arriving at their destination in 15 minutes.

* * *

[Present time Day 5 –Afternoon-]

Shizuo frowned as he stared at the rows and rows of clothes. Psyche walked around the aisles, curiously looking at shirts after shirts. The clerk looked a bit nervous as he noticed that his customer had dry blood all over his clothes and murmured to himself how ominous this all was.

Shizuo scratched his head since he could not make his decision. In the end he asked the clerk, "Err… do you sell any bartender uniforms?"

With a new set of bartender uniform that actually fit him, Shizuo threw away his old outfit in the trash. This wasn't the outfit Kasuka had bought him, but Shizuo felt comfortable going back to wearing what felt most natural to him.

Shizuo and Psyche started walking down the streets of places the blonde had never been to. This was a new city for both of them. Shizuo kept a look out to make sure they weren't being followed but… from the corner of his eyes, he could see two strange dark figures stalking them.

"Psyche," Shizuo whispered quietly. "You are certain that we are not being followed?"

"Yes Shizu-chan. We are not being followed." Psyche said as he walked next to his master.

"This… may sound strange but do you see two dark cloaked figures anywhere near us? They're kinda wearing all black with a hoodie over his head, kind of tall…"

"No Shizu-chan. There is no one like that within 500 meters. My sensors are not picking up anything."

"I see… so only I can see them."

Shizuo fell silent as he continued to walk. Psyche continued to tag along. Voices of the dead continued to haunt Shizuo's mind as he carried on his journey.

_'I despise your monstrous energy. I wish you even knew how lucky you are to possess such invigorating life within you. If only I had half of your strength, no, even a quarter…_

_But ah well, what do you know? You never understood a thing about me.'_

"I'm always too late, isn't it Izaya." Shizuo said out loud. Psyche listened, confused as his master talked to 'Izaya' again. Psyche did not understand who this 'Izaya' was, since his program found no one in the vicinity of the same name.

"Why was I so stupidly stubborn back then…" Shizuo said as he looked back at Psyche, his eyes filled with guilt and regret. Psyche had walked a bit slower, giving his master some time to think. He stared back silently, waiting for a command. Shizuo smiled and said, "Come," and Psyche skipped over to his side and held his hand.

Shizuo knew he wasn't going to live long. He could hear the death's whispers and feel his body grow heavy each time he took a step. It was as if Izaya was with him, haunting him, waiting for him to die as his last vengeance. And Izaya was with him, as Psyche followed his steps, dressed in pure and pristine white. His own little grim reaper that Shizuo had created for his journey.

The blonde shook his head. Such grim thoughts were inappropriate and rude to his companion. Shizuo leaned over and kissed Psyche on the forehead and said, "Psyche, engrave this into your heart. Remember that you were born to be loved. No matter what happens, I love you very much."

Psyche nodded and replied, "Yes Shizu-chan," and recorded it in his memory chip, those words as well as Shizuo's sad brown eyes.

* * *

[Present time Day 6]

Shizuo and Psyche were still on the run. They had slept at a motel last night as Shizuo tried his best to add just a bit more into 'Project Psychedelic Dreamer.'

In the morning it read 77%. It was a jump, but not enough to make a huge dent. Shizuo knew his body won't last much longer.

The blond coughed again as coughing fits seized him regularly and each time he tasted blood. Shizuo could feel his heart pumping blood slowly and his body was sore.

Psyche gave his master a glass of water along with painkillers which Shizuo took daily. Once he took his pills Shizuo leaned against the wall, tired. He wasn't sure where to go. He had planned to leave the country but Psyche did not have proper identification card.

Shizuo did not mind dying. He deserved it. In fact, he would even welcome it to atone for his sins if it wasn't for that dying message and Psyche.  
 _  
_ _Psyche._ __  
  
Suddenly, Shizuo jerked up and quickly asked Psyche, "Psyche! Did you eat yet?"

"I can not eat, Shizu-chan."

"I… I mean, charged your battery!"

"My battery level is at 42%."

"Shit! Please charge right now!"

"Yes, Shizu-chan," with that Psyche sat next to Shizuo on the small bed in the motel room as he plugged himself in to charge. Shizuo finally relaxed somewhat, his once rapidly beating up calming down a bit as he watched Psyche sit next to him quietly as he charged up.

"Psyche, even if I don't tell you to charge, please charge whenever you can, wherever you see any plug to charge. And please do so when no one is looking and try not to get caught." Shizo hugged his robot and gave him a tight squeeze.

"Yes Shizu-chan."

Shizuo sighed again deeply as his heart was filled with a new type of anguish. If he died, who would take care of him? Shizuo had created this robot out of his own selfishness, because he had to know what was the meaning of that blood pattern on his palm a year ago. Now he could not even properly take care of this being that he had created. Shizuo knew he had not much time left in this world and Psyche would be left alone. Shinra's words rang into Shizuo's heart.  
 _  
_ _'Whatever! It's still a machine! A robot! Not a human made with flesh and bones like you and me!"_

_You'll really regret this. Mark my words.'_

"Psyche, I'm so sorry I spent my time sleeping instead of being with you. Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over…" Shizuo continued to embrace Psyche tightly, his heart aching at the thought of leaving him behind. He did not care that he died, but Psyche did not deserve to be left alone like this. He could not have this robot suffer due to his foolishness of chasing after an impossible dream.

Shizuo pulled himself away just a bit, his hands still on the young robot's shoulders as he looked at him.

"Psyche, remember that you're a miracle. Do not ever forget that you were created to be loved."

"Yes Shizu-chan."

"I'm glad your memory chip never forgets anything. Let my words be your strength when you need it in the future Psyche," Shizuo smiled as he pet Psyche's soft hair.

"Yes Shizu-chan."

"Remember to take care of yourself first and foremost. Don't let anyone take advantage of you. If they try to harm you, you have my command to kick their ass, got it?"

"….yes Shizu-chan." Psyche's program was slightly confused at the commanded but it accepted the order.

"Maybe I should teach you how to fight. Those Nebula men are damn persistent hmm…" Shizuo contemplated the idea hard. Psyche just looked at his master confused.

"Thing is, I never took up martial arts. One or two punches and kicks were enough to have them flying so… well anyway. You have my order to kick some ass if they try to hurt you, got it?" Shizuo pat him on the shoulder.

"Yes Shizu-chan."

"Ok, now then. Ask me any question." Shizuo crossed his arms and waited.

"Question, Shizu-chan?"

"Do you have anything you want to know? Since I'm not sure what else I can teach you or tell you…" Shizuo wanted to make sure that Psyche could ask him everything and anything before he died. And everything he wanted to tell him would be just a repeat.

"Who is 'Izaya,' Shizu-chan? You talk to him all the time."

Shizuo's determined face turned just a bit soft at the question. Psyche's circuits wondered if that was a question he was not allowed to ask.

"Izaya huh…. I guess you have the right to know," Shizuo said softly as he gave it a thought. He had thought that Psyche would ask about himself, but the robot asked a question he did not even predict. Shizuo smirked.

"You're one of a kind, Psyche. Alright, let's see. Where to start," Shizuo looked up as he reminisced.

"Well, his name is Orihara Izaya. I used to call him…" Shizuo paused. He realized that he had never called him 'louse' or 'flea' after that incident where he saw Izaya on the floor at the hospital. A year had passed and Shizuo had completely forgotten that he had once called him 'louse' for several years. Shizuo smiled weakly. He would have to be very careful of what he says since this would be recorded forever. But he was glad that Psyche could never forget anything, unlike himself who had forgotten too many important things in the past.

"… never mind. I don't want you to record that. Anyways, Izaya is my high school classmate." Shizuo refused to use past tense.

"Izaya and I didn't like each other the moment we met. But well, not exactly. It was like we felt a spark, you see. I felt a strange pull. He kinda has this magnetic personality or something." Shizuo continued to talk on and on for hours and hours as he explained who Orihara Izaya was to him. Psyche recorded every image, every emotion and every expression that his master displayed. He had never seen his master so animated before and his circuit was quite surprised at such a rare finding.

"And he loves humans you see! It is kind of disturbing in a way since he isn't very nice to them, but one thing he always did say was 'I love humans!' At the time, I just scoffed at him and told him he's just a weirdo." Shizuo laughed heartily as he remembered. "Oh man, I never really understood him very much."

"I think you understood him a lot, Shizu-chan." Psyche commented softly as he watched his master smile for the first time. His program was satisfied to know that he was fulfilling his goal in making his master 'happy.'

"You… think so?" Shizuo thought about it as he leaned back. He wished Psyche was correct but he remembered Izaya's words telling him how he never understood him. Shizuo felt gloomy all over again.

Psyche's program told him that  _that_  must have been the wrong choice of words since his master stopped smiling.

"I'm sorry Shizu-chan, please don't be sad," Psyche said as he hugged Shizuo. He was programmed to smile and hug when he saw sadness. It was written in his code that it relieved pain and that was how one properly comforted suffering.

Shizuo quietly hugged him back and softly cried on his shoulders. Psyche's smile only brought him more heartache.

Psyche's circuit was more confused. Even though it was encoded that smiles brought smiles, all his smiles brought were tears. Tears from his master, tears from the twin ladies he met, and tears from every single person who was associated with 'Izaya.'

"Sorry about that Psyche…it's not your fault. Don't worry about it." Shizuo said as he sat up, wiping his eyes.

"You know, let's spend some time together," Shizuo decided. He only had few more days to live at best. He could not end it without giving some good memories to Psyche. No, he needed to give the  _best_  memories to Psyche. He owed him at least that much.

"Where would you like to go? Is there something you wanted to do?" Shizuo asked.

Psyche's program ran a search engine through his memory.

"Psyche would like his 'heart' to be completed." Psyche came to a conclusion, as his master's happiness was his final goal.

"Psyche… I don't think that's possible. We don't have complete memory of Izaya…" Shizuo's voice faltered just a bit as he finally admitted to himself.

"Then let's create it, Shizu-chan," Psyche smiled.

"Huh?" Now it was Shizuo's turn to be confused.

"Orihara Izaya-san loves people. You want to spend time with me. And there is a place nearby here that has a lot of people in one place."

Shizuo listened as Psyche's magenta eyes brightened and glowed.

"Let's go to an amusement park, Shizu-chan. I'm sure we can complete Izaya's heart there!"


	11. Chapter 11

[Present time Day 7]

Shizuo and Psyche left the motel in the morning to head for the amusement park nearby. In the corner of Shizuo's eyes, he could still see the dark figures stalking them. Two days ago, there was one on each side behind Shizuo and yesterday he saw three. Today he saw a total of four dark cloaked figures silently trailing from behind.

"Psyche. You are certain we are not being followed?"

"Yes, Shizu-chan."

"I see…" Shizuo murmured. He knew robots were incapable of lying. He grabbed Psyche's wrist and hurried toward their goal.

Shizuo paid for two adults and walked inside. It was a warm Saturday and the park was filled with families and couples on dates. He felt a bit more relieved once inside the gates brimming with people around them.

The blonde paused for a bit. He hadn't often been to amusement park so he stared at the map and pondered where they should go or what they should do.

"Well, I'll be honest Psyche. I never went on a date or anything so I'm not sure where we should go. Is there something you want to do?" Shizuo scratched his head and looked down at the robot.

Psyche memorized the map into his system and then conducted a search. "Izaya-san loves humans right, Shizu-chan?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's take this ride." Psyche said as he smiled and pointed in the map. "According to my search, it has the longest line, therefore probably one of most sought after attraction."

Shizuo's heart fell at the ride Psyche pointed at. It was a Horror Ride and on the side it was written that it would make sure to make you scream and have your heart stop in fear.

Shizuo stood in line impatiently. He was slightly angry at how long the line was. But more than anything, his anger was to mask his fear. He could still see the dark figures sometimes weaving through the crowd while he stood in line. Psyche wondered if he made a mistake but Shizuo insisted that they would ride this once the robot made his decision. So the two waited for an hour in line to ride the horror ride that promised to strike fear in all the riders.

Finally it was their turn to ride. Shizuo stiffly got on the ride, his feet and arms not coordinating together which was ironic since the robot next to him had more graceful movement. Slowly the carts started to move forward with a shudder and Shizuo gripped on the handles in front of him. The ride coughed along the rails and from the start Shizuo felt as if the entire ride wasn't stable enough as they entered the black curtained gate.

Psyche took in the scenes before him with semi-interest. There were decapitated heads floating around on strings. Beams of lights that looked like women with long black hair flew across the air. Fluttering curtains brushed his cheeks and there were recorded whispers and giggles being played through the audio system above them.

Psyche could not understand at all why everyone inside the cart were screaming when it took a sudden dive under and rushed along the rails at a speed less than 20 miles per hour.

Psyche was trying to understand the meaning of 'fear.'

Out of curiosity, he looked over to his master and was surprised to see him gripping intensely on the bar in front of him. His face looked pale and Psyche realized his heart beat was erratic. Psyche placed his hand on top of his master's, hoping it would calm him down. It did not work, and Psyche's program was dissatisfied that his body could not produce human heat and could not throb with human heartbeat.

But Psyche did not give up.

He remembered how his master would kiss him on his forehead. Though it was meant to give Psyche a good memory, Psyche's program recognized it as a cognitive condition that calmed his master's heart. Seeing that his master's heart was running out of control and 'fearing' for his health, Psyche decided to distract his master by grabbing his cheeks with his hand and forcing him to turn to face him.

Shizuo could see the two dark figures sitting in front of him silently. Though they were sitting in the back, he still felt the presence of the other two behind his shoulders. His chest tightened in pain as his breathing shortened drastically. He heard whispers and murmurs of the dead. His brain ceased to function as the darkness loomed and crept closer and closer. A cold hand reached and took his own and Shizuo could almost hear the silent whispers telling him that it was time.

Just as soon as Shizuo was about to punch at the darkness wildly, he felt two small hands on his face, forcing him to turn.

A pair of lips took his own as Psyche, who was too short to reach for Shizuo's forehead, decided to kiss him on the lips, trying his very best to serve his master.

Shizuo blinked in surprise at seeing Izaya's face kiss him, since he thought Izaya had wanted him dead just a second ago. Confused yet glad, the blonde closed his eyes and kissed back.

* * *

Shizuo blushed as he walked out of the horror ride. He still held hands with Psyche but he could not believe that he kissed a robot out of confusion. He felt mortified.

Psyche on the other hand was satisfied to know that he had done his job. His master was not showing any 'fear' in his face though there was a faint blush and glow as its replacement. His program was still trying to analyze why his master's tongue had entered his mouth and probed him inside.

"I'm sorry Psyche. That was probably the worst possible way to share a first kiss," Shizuo sighed in resignation. The robot looked up at his master confused. But Shizuo did not notice as he was scratching his head madly with frustration.

"Urgh and you'll never forget it either! Not that I want you to forget anything, it's just that I wish it was a better memory to remember. I'm terrible at all this!" Shizuo grumbled as he stomped off. Psyche trailed behind, his program wondering again if it was a mistake.

"I'm sorry Shizu-chan. I apologize for my mistake. I won't do it again." Psyche said, his voice sounding a bit sorrowful. His program code told him that that was how one properly apologized for a mistake. Shizuo quickly turned to face the robot in surprise.

"Ah, no. That's not it, Psyche! I'm not saying I didn't like the kiss! You can do it again if you want to… wait, I'm not saying I'm a pervert who likes kisses and stuff… no wait, I DID like the kiss you gave me, so don't forget that! It's not your fault at all! What I'm trying to say is…. Ugh… I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore…" Shizuo crouched down as he scratched his head again more vigorously.

Psyche crouched in front of him, his hands on his chin as he waited patiently for his master to form some coherent sentence.

"Okay. I got it," Shizuo said as he patted Psyche on the shoulder. "Since we can't have you erase any memory, we'll try another approach. Err… kind of like re-doing it or overlapping it or something." Shizuo remembered that one of the scientists that had tried to explain the Project Psychedelic Dreamer once said that memories sometimes covered up a real memory with a fake memory. Though Shizuo was not covering the real memory with a fake one, he decided that adding a new memory to remember wasn't a bad idea.

Shizuo got up and looked around to see where they could go next when he saw a large sign that read 'LOVE BOATS.'

Now it was Shizuo's turn to wonder if this was a bad idea as he stood in line. Everyone in line were couples only, which was expected. Couples as in, a man and a woman. Shizuo and Psyche stood out like a sore thumb, both being male. It did not help that Shizuo was a tall blonde in a bartender outfit while his 'partner' looked almost like a child wearing a white stuffy fur coat in a warm day. If this was Ikebukuro, everyone would know better than to jeer or snicker at them, but no one here knew of the legendary Heiwajima Shizuo whose name was feared throughout the vast city.

But Shizuo did not notice the mocking as his thoughts were preoccupied. Exactly what was he thinking, taking a robot on a love boat ride? Shizuo did not know a thing about romance or dating. He wasn't sure if he could even create a mood to give Psyche a kiss. Then Shizuo realized creating a mood wasn't his main worry. Rather, he wondered if robots could even understand the meaning of love or romance.

But Shizuo decided that it did not matter. Whether Psyche was a robot or not, whether he understood it or not, Shizuo learned from Shinra that what mattered the most was the heart that gave it its all without holding back. And this time, Shizuo was willing to give his second 'Izaya' only the best.


	12. Chapter 12

The staff almost frowned disapprovingly when it was Shizuo's and Psyche's turn on the boat ride. Shizuo took no notice as he got in the boat first.

"Come Psyche," Shizuo said with the gentle smile as he held out his arms to take Psyche.

Psyche took a step in as he reached for Shizuo.

Immediately as Shizuo grabbed Psyche, the boat created for two people, sunk into the water.

Thankfully, the water was shallow, reaching only to Shizuo's waist as the blonde quickly held up Psyche above water. The robot clung to Shizuo's upper shoulders and head as his shoes and lower parts of his legs got wet.

"Psyche, are you okay?" Shizuo exclaimed in fear as he swiftly held him up high. Psyche nodded as he replied, "Don't worry Shizu-chan. Izaya's heart is safe," he said as he showed that he had made sure that it didn't get wet.

"No, I… I meant are  _you_  okay Psyche," Shizuo tried to clarify. "Are you err… water-proof?"

Psyche nodded in confirmation and Shizuo breathed in relief at hearing that the scientists were smart to make him waterproof. Shizuo cursed to himself for forgetting how heavy Psyche was, with all the metal works that made up his body.

Shizuo apologized for the commotion since one of the boats sunk and it would delay the people in line. Holding up Psyche in one arm, he left the scene with unflattering wet pants that clung to his legs.

Shizuo sighed as he sat down by the benches and lowered Psyche. Psyche sat next to him wondering what was wrong as his master looked once again dissatisfied. Rather, his master looked 'gloomy,' as he muttered, "Man, I can't even do one thing right."

Psyche sat quietly next to him, trying to search within its engine exactly how he was suppose to cheer up his master. But he too felt 'gloomy' since each answer from his search engine so far had failed him. Humans truly were unpredictable creatures.

At length, Shizuo looked up and smiled sadly at the popcorn, cotton candy and lemonade stand.

_'I love humans so much Shizu-chan. Their energy and vigor, how life gives them sour lemons as well as sweet cotton candies. The way the road twists and turns… and how unpredictable they can be. I wish I was able to live longer and be part of it all…'_

"That reminds me of what Izaya once said to me," Shizuo said as he quoted him. "He once told me that he loves how life gives us sour lemons as well as sweet cotton candy." Shizuo chuckled at the irony.

Psyche looked up to see the cotton candy stand. Then his machine had a brilliant idea.

"Shizu-chan. I want a cotton candy."

Shizuo looked at Psyche puzzled. "A cotton candy?"

"Yes," Psyche nodded determined. "If Izaya-san said human life was like cotton candy, I want to understand." Psyche's program concluded that he must remain true to his original goal. His ultimate goal was still achieving Shizuo's happiness by completing that small incomplete heart. He looked up to see that his master was giving him a quizzical look and his system wondered if that was a wrong move again.

"Ah, sorry Shizu-chan. Maybe I was a bit too demanding…." Psyche trailed off hesitantly now.

"No, not at all. I'll buy you one." Shizuo got up and walked over to the stand to buy a pink cotton candy.

Shizuo came back with the cotton candy and handed it to the young robot. Psyche looked at it and studied it carefully. It was fluffy like a pink cloud. He poked at it at first, gripped it and pulled. The mass of fluff came off easily in his hand. Strangely enough the fluff was also very sticky.

"Shizu-chan? What do you do with cotton candy?" Psyche finally asked, unable to figure out what a human would do with a cotton candy.

"Well, er… you eat it." Shizuo said with a light chuckle.

Psyche's program started to panic. It had deduced that sour lemon was edible so he did not ask for the lemonade, but it had errored and did not realize that cotton candy was also an edible object. Not only did his machine fail to compute how a cotton candy equated to a human life, now he was going to waste his master's money since Psyche could not eat it.

"Shi-… Shizu-chan. I can't eat it." Psyche said with dejection. Shizuo could not help but laugh at how the robot looked so miserable at finally realizing why Shizuo looked confused at the previous request.

"Yeah I know." Shizuo patted Psyche on the head. "It's okay."

"Shizu-chan… I don't want it to go to waste. Could you eat it for me?" Psyche finally decided that it was the only proper solution to his problem as he held up the fluff he tore out near Shizuo's mouth.

Shizuo's cheeks flushed at the request and he looked away hesitating, which only made Psyche falter again. Why was his program so bad at figuring out this man?

"I… I'm sorry Shizu-chan, maybe it is better to just…" Psyche stammered again, not really knowing what the best possible course was anymore.

But before Psyche could pull his hand away, Shizuo grabbed his wrist and took the pink fluff to his mouth. The lips closed down on Psyche's finger tips before he pulled away to chew. Psyche was satisfied to know that his master was pleased and took some more fluff which he held it up for Shizuo to eat.

Slowly one fluff at a time, Shizuo ate the pink cotton candy from Psyche's fingers. Psyche waited until Shizuo finished munching on the sweet feathery confectionary before he tore out another pink piece and fed it to his master.

Once all of the cotton candy was gone, Psyche looked at his sticky fingers.

"Shizu-chan… do you have any napkins?"

"Ah… no…" Shizuo admitted as he finished eating, his face still a bit flushed pink that matched the sweets he just ate.

Psyche panicked again as his system tried to figure out what to do. He couldn't wipe his finger on his clothes or the bench. He couldn't lick his own fingers either so he turned to his master and asked what was the only natural solution to his second dilemma.

"Shizu-chan… could you lick my fingers for me?"

Shizuo blinked and looked stunned at Psyche's second request. The young robot's fingers wavered again, wondering if he made yet again another wrong move. It seemed to him that his short life was already filled with mistakes after mistakes. The robot's circuit continued to calculate if he should pull back or not. Before Psyche could make the decision to move his hand away, Shizuo once again grabbed the small wrist and leaned forward to lick his finger.

The blonde's mouth came down on the first digit, sucking on it gently so that the cotton candy remnants would melt in his mouth. His tongue twirled around the finger, lightly licking at the digit as he tasted the flesh-like skin. Once there were no more sweet, sticky fluff lingering on the first digit, Shizuo pushed the finger inward even deeper. He swallowed the finger whole as his tongue made contact with the sticky candy that dissolved under the warm touch.

After finishing the first finger, Shizuo pulled out slowly, a long string of saliva lingering as he again repeated the same treatment to the second finger. Psyche watched as his master's cheeks grew redder and redder, wondering if the candy was spicy tasting instead of sweet.

"Does it taste good, Shizu-chan?" Psyche asked. Caught surprised, Shizuo's eyes fluttered toward Psyche's magenta orbs and his ear tips blushed at his question. He pulled out to mumble.

"Yeah… it does," Shizuo wasn't sure if Psyche meant the cotton candy or his fingers but decided not to ask for clarification. Instead he closed his eyes and continued to suck on the second finger's digit.

Psyche listened to his master's heart pulse and watched quietly as the young robot noted how long Shizuo's eyelashes were. He made notes on how his master was changing in front of him as the tongue continued to lick and probe his finger as it continued to search for the sugary residual. It took awhile for Shizuo to finally lick away the candy-coated fingers and left them with lingering saliva.

Psyche looked at his fingers, satisfied that his master had licked him clean. When he looked up to thank his master, he noticed that Shizuo's eyes were heavily lid, and his eyes were filled with emotions Psyche could not decipher.

Before Psyche could calculate what his next move should be, Shizuo pulled at the wrist he was holding, forcing Psyche to lean forward just as the blonde too leaned in. Shizuo closed his eyes as his lips connected with Psyche for the second time. This time the young robot knew what to do as he too closed his eyes and opened his mouth to welcome his master's tongue inside him.

Shizuo sucked on Psyche's tongue, noting that even though he was a robot, his tongue was still created to be soft and agile. Psyche yielded to him easily, his program learning how to 'kiss' as Shizuo guided his tongue inside and deepened their connection. Shizuo lightly bit on Psyche's lower lips and the robot wondered if 'kiss' was a term for eating, though it didn't make sense to him why humans would eat each other to begin with.

After several licking and sucking, Shizuo pulled away, his breath slightly short and his heart pumping loudly in his ears. He snuggled Psyche closer and kissed him on his forehead like he usually did as he ended their session. Psyche noted how wet his mouth was now, filled with his master's taste and scent though his program lacked the proper function to examine them.

"Psyche is sad he couldn't taste Shizu-chan. But did Psyche taste good?" the robot asked as he looked up. Shizuo just looked away as his ears flushed red. He only nodded shortly in responses as he held the young robot in his arms.

"Err… yeah." Shizuo replied quietly, still facing away.

"Sweet like cotton candy?"

"Yeah… sweet like cotton candy."


	13. Chapter 13

[Present Day 7]

The rest of the day went smoothly. Shizuo took Psyche to the bumper cars next. At first Shizuo did not wish to ride it since he was afraid of breaking the brake pads but Psyche insisted that they share memories together, so the blonde reluctantly agreed. It was funny to see such a tall man with his legs cramped in as Psyche happily bumped against him from the back. Shizuo in turn smirked and retaliated. He couldn't be happier as Psyche giggled and bumped back.

Shizuo was glad he brought Psyche to the park. He could see Psyche analyzing other human emotions and mimicking them. A clown gave Psyche a free pink balloon and Psyche smiled what looked genuine and thanked the man. More and more Psyche was learning the ways of humans and he was growing to be more and more human-like.

From the corners of Shizuo's eyes, he could still see them. The four dark shadows. They drifted in between the crowds, sometimes close, sometimes far. Shizuo stood alert, pulling Psyche away from them when they came too near. Psyche followed, not sure why his master acted as if he was being chased when he sensed no one around them.

Next Psyche wanted to get on the merry-go-round. Shizuo held his balloon as Psyche waved back each time he came back to where Shizuo stood. The ex-debt collector could not help but smile as the pink balloon waved back and forth. It was peaceful, save for the lurking four figures. His chest hurt a bit, that tightness that continued to squeeze his heart as he wished he was here with a certain someone but knew that it was impossible now. Bittersweet feelings flooded as Psyche got off the horse that bobbed up and down and ran to his mater to give him a hug. Shizuo was reminded again, that no matter what regret he had of the past, the present was important too, and he wished to give only the best to Psyche.

They walked down the street filled with games. Psyche tried to win a plush white bunny by throwing balls in to the bucket, but none went in. Shizuo couldn't help but laugh at how hard Psyche tried, his systems analyzing the game to death, fervently trying to at least get one ball in. Psyche's stubbornness reminded him of a certain person he knew in his life who was just as stubborn. Shizuo went ahead and let the robot play five times before Psyche conceded and accepted his defeat.

Lastly but not least, they stood in line for the Ferris Wheel as the sun started to go down. Shizuo grew weary as the shadowy figures loomed closer as the darkness crept in. Psyche looked up at his master when he felt that his hand was being gripped tighter than usual. Shizuo was looking around him anxiously.

"Shizu-chan…" Psyche murmured.

Shizuo looked down, a bit startled at first but quickly regaining his composure. "Yes?"

Psyche got on his tip-toe to kiss him on the blonde's cheek. Then he smiled brightly as he said, "I'm with you Shizu-chan. Don't worry."

Shizuo's lips thinned to a tight smile as he held the robot close and nodded.

Shizuo felt nervous as they came closer and closer to the front of the line. The shadows were drifting closer and the sunlight was ebbing away. Once it was their turn, Shizuo asked if the carts were strong enough to hold about 3-4 people. When the staff gave him a quizzical look, Shizuo blushed and explained that he weighed more than he looked.

The staff member smiled and assured that the carts were made to hold more than 8 people's weight so they should be safe. Feeling a bit relieved, Shizuo got on the cart, helping Psyche when his legs couldn't quite reach the steps. He was glad to be away from those dark shapes that were stalking them.

As the Ferris Wheel slowly moved upward, it jerked a bit and shook. Psyche looked out the window with wide eyes, squealing "Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan! Look, we're going up!"

Shizuo just nodded as he sat back and watched the young robot smile. He was glad that he was able to give some happy memories to Psyche and was able to share what little time they had together.

Shizuo owed him at least that much.

As they came closer to the top, the theme park lit up with lights as the sun was completely gone. The blond looked out the window near him, watching the warm glow below. They reminded Shizuo of the neon lights of Ikebukuro and he sort of missed them.

Just then they heard a sharp whistle and then a boom as the sky lit up with lights.

"Fireworks!" Psyche exclaimed happily. His program instantly recognized them even though he had never seen them before. All colors of the rainbow lit up the dark sky with brilliant lights that faded all too soon.

Shizuo looked away from his window to check on Psyche when he cried in joy. The blond froze instantly when he saw a lone figure in a long black coat, the hood shielding its face as it stood next to Psyche silently.

"Psyche! Get over here!" Shizuo shouted in fear. Psyche looked over, stunned to hear his master suddenly shout at him and more surprised to see him petrified in place. He hurried over and wrapped his arms around Shizuo's torso. The blond quickly embraced him tightly, his heart beating rapidly and erratically. He looked up again to see if the shadow was still there at the corner.

But the shadow was gone.

Shizuo had thought that the shadowy figures won't be able to reach them here. But seeing that they had not entered the cart with them but suddenly appeared and disappeared, Shizuo now knew that they were just his hallucination. His throat felt dry and his mouth hungered for the familiar taste of nicotine that he had quit taking in a year ago. He swallowed harshly, shivering as he could not shake off that creepy spooked feeling.

"Shizu-chan?" Psyche looked up at his master, worried.

The blond continued to shake, clutching at his heart that pounded too harshly against his weakened chest. He started to cough uncontrollably. Psyche held him close, his face expressing his concern as he sat on his master's lap, cuddling him.

Finally when Shizuo finished his coughing, he looked at his hand and noticed the blood. The taste of iron continued to linger in the back of his throat and the blond scowled, feeling exhausted.

Psyche took out the napkins he got earlier from his pocket. After the small panic the system suffered, he decided it was always wise to keep a few napkins in his pocket. He was now glad he did as he started to carefully wipe away the blood on his master's palm.

The fireworks continued outside, booming and blooming radiantly with sparkling lights as they fought against the darkness. It illuminated the night sky briefly before the flickering glow lost its luster.

"It's pretty Shizu-chan. It's like a flower." Psyche smiled as he looked out the window, now cuddling in his master's lap. Shizuo nodded faintly as he looked outside weakly, his eyes feeling heavy. The glitter outside looked too dazzling to his dimming eyes.

"It's too bad it's fleeting isn't it Shizu-chan. The light doesn't seem to stay for long." Psyche admitted, feeling regretful that the flowers in the sky faded so quickly.

"But they're bright when they're in full bloom. You're suppose to appreciate life when it's at its highest energy and vigor. I think."

"Life, Shizu-chan?" Psyche frowned, not really understanding how a firework equated to human life.

Shizuo chuckled lightly. "Don't worry about it. At least you can record it in your memory forever right? So it will always live on as long as you live."

Psyche pondered and then finally nodded in confirmation. "That's true Shizu-chan. As long as I live, my memories will keep those fireworks fresh and bright!"

"That's the spirit," Shizuo said with a lighter heart. "You'll keep those fireworks always vivid and intense even if they don't last past tonight."

Psyche nodded. "I will Shizu-chan."

* * *

After their ride, Shizuo's body felt tired and heavy. He had to lean on Psyche as they walked out. The park was closing.

Psyche looked up at his master with worry. His breathing had gotten rougher, and his heartbeat was slower. The robot's program analyzed that his master was coming closer to his shut down.

"Where… do you want to go Shizu-chan?" Psyche asked as he almost dragged his half-conscious master. They could go back to their motel, but something told the robot that that wasn't where his master would want to go.

"Not sure…. Where shall we go…" Shizuo half wondered to himself. He felt lost. And very tired.

"There's… a small park nearby Shizu-chan. Maybe a fresh night air would help more than staying indoors?" Psyche asked after a quick search on the local map.

"Yeah…" Shizuo went ahead and agreed. His brain was too tired to think of any better suggestion.

So Psyche and Shizuo wordlessly walked toward their final destination.

 


	14. Chapter 14

[Present Day 7 - Night]

Shizuo breathed roughly as he sat down leaning up against a tree. The night air was cool. There were a few couples still walking about as the night was young. Though he was in unfamiliar surroundings, some parts of this park reminded Shizuo of the Ikebukuro park and he didn't mind it.

Psyche sat in front of him, not quite sure what he should do. Before he could decide Shizuo weakly reached out and touched his cheek. Psyche grabbed the hand that caressed him softly with both of his hands. The machine could still feel the beating heart that gently throbbed through Shizuo's veins.

After they searched each other's eyes as they spoke to each other silently, Psyche grimly took off his headset and put it on his master one last time. Shizuo closed his eyes as Psyche turned on the Project Psychedelic Dreamer.

As Shizuo drifted into sleep, Psyche held his master's hands, hoping that he knew that he was there for him even as he slept.

* * *

[A year and 10 days ago before Present Timeline]

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

Izaya opened his eyes slowly. He had felt cold for a long time, drifting in and out of consciousness for who knows how long. But when something warm squeezed his hand, he used it like a lifeline as he climbed out of the dark dreary coldness that he was swimming in.

When he opened his eyes he was startled to see Shizu-chan sleeping by his bedside, holding his hand.

"Shizu-chan…" Izaya murmured, filled with conflicted emotions as he watched the blond sleep by his side, holding onto his hand firmly. Even in his sleep, Shizuo had not let him go. It was thanks to him Izaya was able to gather some energy to wake up briefly. Izaya couldn't help but smirk at the irony that it was Shizuo who had given him the energy to fight against death one last time.

"Ah Shizu-chan. How unexpected. Then again, since you're always unexpected, I should expect it by now huh?" Izaya quoted himself, the same lines he always told the debt collector.

"Though I must say, I don't know what to expect anymore. It is both unexpected to see you here and also to see you asleep. It's like you're with me, except not… I wish I could laugh at this irony."  
 _  
Beep. Beep. Beep._

Izaya looked over at the machine that calculated his heart beats. It was beeping faster than usual, even as his heart struggled to pump blood throughout his weakened body.

"Damn machine. It's worse than a lie detector." Izaya looked over at the hateful mechanism, wishing he could kick it, but his legs refused to listen to him. He turned his head back to the sleeping blond.

"I wish you came earlier Shizu-chan, before I was hooked up to one of these… or came alone. It's quite embarrassing you know, when everyone can look into my heart so openly," Izaya chuckled weakly. He continued to watch Shizuo sleep, his fingers tingling with warm sensation as he could feel the blond's heart throb and mingle with Izaya's own heart's rhythm.

"Showing your weak side in front of me, that's no good Shizu-chan… what if I attacked you while you were sleeping?"

Izaya tried to reach forward with his other hand to brush the blond hair but he could not move his torso anymore. Izaya chuckled again weakly at his failed attempt.

"Ah I know. What if I drew on your face and marked you with a permanent marker? I wonder what I would write?"

Tears started to form around the corners of Izaya's ruby eyes as he continued to talk. Memories of the past flooded Izaya as spoke filled with regret. A lump formed in his throat that betrayed Izaya's teasing tone of voice.

"Ne~ Shizu-chan. Shizu-chan~ Can you hear me? Does my voice grate your ears? Does my face make you angry? You know, this is my second time seeing you this peaceful in front of me. It's… quite something I must say."

By now tears started to roll down Izaya's pale thin cheeks.

"When you sleep, you don't look like a monster, Shizu-chan," Izaya breathed softly as he continued to watch the man sleep next to him, holding onto his hand tightly.

"How I wish you were awake back then Shizu-chan… if only you were awake, things would have been different. You always sleep when it matters the most, Shizu-chan. It's too late now, isn't it?"

Shizuo made no sound as he continued to sleep next to Izaya.

"Shizu-chan is an idiot."

* * *

[Present Day 7 – Night-]

Shizuo blinked open his eyes, forcing his sleep to dissipate. His eyelids were heavy and his body wanted to sleep longer. He looked around to notice that not a single human was around them.

"How long did I sleep, Psyche?"

"Five hours, Shizu-chan," the robot replied with worrisome eyes. Normally the Psychedelic Dreamer took 2 hours, but when Shizuo did not wake up after the usual allocated time, Psyche was slightly panicking as he waited patiently.

"Ah… I see," was all the blond said as he weakly turned his head to stare at the pink light that read 78%. He smiled faintly as he turned to Psyche.

"Psyche. It's alright. I think it's time that I move on from my past and face the present. You don't have to try to become Izaya anymore. Let's forget about this heart chip."

"No, Shizu-chan. No. Please~" Psyche pleaded.

"I'm not doing you any justice by doing this. I created you out of my selfishness. And now I'm about to leave you behind."

"You aren't leaving me behind, Shizu-chan." The robot had learned to whine now, as Psyche clutched the front of his master's shirt.

"Psyche. Listen to me," Shizuo breathed in, his throat raspy. The night air was chilly and foreign.

_"Like hell I do! I fucking hate you Izaya. I wish you were never born!" Shizuo shouted his usual banter to Izaya's words. "If you fucking dropped and died, I couldn't be ever happier."_

It pained Shizuo to remember his past mistakes.

"You were born to be loved Psyche. No matter what, even if I die, engrave that into your heart. I love you very much."

"Yes, Shizu-chan."  
 _  
"Whatever! It's still a machine! A robot! Not a human made with flesh and bones like you and me! You'll really regret this. Mark my words."_

Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"Psyche, I did create you out of my selfish wish. But know that I have never regretted it. If there is one thing I regret, it's that I wish I wasn't so stupid to chase after this impossible dream and couldn't spend my entire time with you as much as I could have. And now I don't think I can last much, I wish I could have been with you until the end. I'm sorry I'm leaving earlier, Psyche. But please… know that I love you very much."

Shizuo was rambling. There was still so much more to say, and so little time left. There was still too much regret, too many things he could not do at the right place at the right time. Once again Shizuo felt like a failure.

"Shizu-chan…"

Shizuo tried to think hard with what little energy he had left. The darkness was closing in on him fast. It was harder and harder to concentrate, harder to breathe one more breath.

"Why do I keep making the same mistakes? I should have… I should have focused more on the present. I should have focused more on  _you!_  I should have realized… that since you're a robot, you will outlive me. Why do I always waste my time?"

Shizuo held Psyche tightly, and the robot could feel his shoulder getting wet from his master's tears. He looked down at the blinking pink lights that read 78%.

"Shizu-chan… don't give up please. We still have one more hope."

Shizuo shook his head. "No, I should give up! I should have given up long time ago, and spent more-"

"Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo looked up at Psyche, slightly stunned to hear such a commanding voice for the first time from those lips.

"There's still  _my_  memory."

"Your memory?" Shizuo looked at him confused.

"Yes. My observation and analysis of humans. If everyone's memories alone cannot duplicate Izaya-san's heart, then I thought perhaps my analysis can make up for the missing parts."

"I… don't understand…" Shizuo tilted his head.

"It's a bit dangerous, but it's worth a try. 78% isn't that bad Shizu-chan. Let's try to activate it."

Shizuo looked at Psyche alarmed.

"Wait, you said it's dangerous. How dangerous?"

"We don't know until we try now won't we Shizu-chan? I might short-circuit a bit by running this incomplete chip, but my statistics say we have more to gain than to lose."

Shizuo's eyes widened. "No wait, I forbid this! You're not doing anything dangerous! I'm not losing you over a possibility… or some damn lunatic  _theory_ …!"

"Shizu-chan," Psyche smiled as he placed a finger on Shizuo's lips to quiet him.

"Don't let anyone tell you what's impossible or possible. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. Don't let anyone tell you where you can and can't go."

How funny the roads of life turned and twisted for Shizuo, as he heard Psyche repeat Izaya's words back to him in the informant's voice. Psyche's face merged with Izaya's for that moment.

"You told me those words Shizu-chan. I think, I understand them a bit now. Shizu-chan, you don't want me to be forever stuck with a sad memory of you, do you? You look so sad Shizu-chan. And more than anything, I want you to be happy." Psyche squeezed Shizuo's hands. Those once warm hands filled with vigor were now cool as the blood circulated in his body slower than before. Shizuo's heart wasn't going to last much longer and the robot knew this.

"I… don't approve of this…" Shizuo hesitated, still concerned. Gently, Psyche took the headset off the blond's head and put it on his own.

"No matter what happens Shizu-chan, don't unplug me. Please. It might do more harm if you unplug me prematurely," Psyche warned him.

Shizuo watched with an anxious heart. Something told him that this was a bad idea. But he wanted to trust the robot. No, not just a robot. Psyche was Psyche. Psyche was not just a robot to Shizuo. He was no different from a human no matter what others told him.

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo looked up at him with trust, yet concern for his well-being. Psyche smiled.

"Let me be the connecting link to your past, present and future, Shizu-chan," and with that, the robot pressed 'PLAY' for the first time.

 


	15. Chapter 15

[A year and 10 days ago before Present Timeline]

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Izaya held on. He could feel Shizuo's warmth flow through him as they held hands together. His chest tightened as his heart beat began to pulsate faster and faster with Shizuo next to him. Still he could hear how weak his heart beat was compared to the blond's.

"Too bad you can't share some of that energy with me huh, Shizu-chan? Such a waste," Izaya continued to talk to the sleeping man, hoping against hope that he wasn't asleep. Not this time.

"You know, I wish you shared with me something more than your energy though…" Izaya's voice trailed off.

"I wish we had shared more memories together," Izaya smiled as his eyes brimmed with tears again. "Haha… laughable, isn't it. All I could do was make you chase me. It was the only way I could think of to spend some time together. Making you hate me and hate me every day…" Izaya shook his head.

"Why was I so stupidly stubborn?"

Izaya looked back at the sleeping blond.

"Why couldn't you ever be awake, Shizu-chan?"

Just then, from the corner of his eyes, Izaya could see four shadows move. He doesn't have to turn his head to know that what he was seeing wasn't normal, because the door never opened.

The dark hooded figures flanked his bed. Izaya smiled fearlessly as he greeted his Death.

"Ah, so there's four Knights. How appropriate. I take it you guys are Celty's friends?"

The four figures around his bedside stay silent.

When one of them moved too close to Shizuo, Izaya hissed.

"Don't touch him. You're here for  _me,_  aren't you?" Izaya's tone was vicious and protective.

The figure listened and backed off from the sleeping blond. But closer to Izaya.

Izaya's breath staggered as he deeply breathed in and out. So. This was it. This was the end. He was going to die without ever speaking to Shizuo again.

He will never be able to spend time with the blond.

He will never be able to talk with the monster.

He will never hear the debt collector call him 'flea.'

He will never be chased until their legs tire out as the man in the bartender suit pursues him with everything he had.

He will never be able to tell Shizuo how he really felt.

How he really felt….

Then a flash of inspiration hit him like a lightning bolt.

_Ah, I know. What if I drew on your face and marked you with the permanent marker? I wonder what I would write?_

Izaya's eyes widened. He quickly twisted and turned his waist to look for something. Anything! A marker, pen, pencil…!

Next to his nightstand was a pen and a notepad. Izaya quickly reached for it as the four figures of Death stood right next to him. The informant struggled, his body not listening to any of his commands as he weakly pulled himself closer to his nightstand. Damn, why was his bed so massively wide?

Izaya leaned forward with all his strength, his fingers barely touching the tip of the pen's nib. Just a little bit more. Just a little bit further!

Izaya crumpled as the strength gave out on his elbow and watched with horror as his last hope fell to the floor and rolled away.

Fuck!

Izaya gripped at the sheets angrily. He shied away as the four Death loomed closer. But even in front of Death, Izaya was not afraid. No, there was no fear in the mighty informant's eyes. Instead, his crimson eyes locked onto one man and one man alone.  
_  
Shizu-chan._

_Shizu-chan!_

Izaya needed to tell him. He _must_  tell him. There were so much things he hadn't told Shizuo. There were so many things he wanted to do with Shizuo. There were so many things Izaya  _had to share!_ Izaya had wasted his time away and used up the last remaining seconds of his life, but he refused to give up. He refused to regret!

He needed something to write.

Anything. Anything will do.

Anything that would allow him to tell Shizuo one final message!

Izaya searched desperately. He didn't care if he died but he refused to die right now unless he was able to send a message to Shizuo that he…

Izaya felt the warmth flow to his hand from Shizuo's hold. He turned slowly to stare at it.

Izaya gritted his teeth and used his last remaining strength to pull away. Without even hesitating for a second he ripped the skin of his fore-finger harshly. The ruby colored blood flowed freely as it dripped down his hand.

Reaching forward, the informant struggled. With his shaking hand Izaya grabbed Shizuo's hand and wrote his dying message.

* * *

[Present Day 7 – Night-]

A surge of electricity ran wildly as Psyche silently screamed. The robot started to short circuit as sharp electricity flickered. Sparks flew about and his fuses started to snap.

The accelerating miracle called 'Heart' had begun to move.

It throbbed painfully. It throbbed gently. It throbbed angrily. It throbbed sadly.

Psyche started to tremble as memories flooded into his system. The small robot was overloaded with memories of Orihara Izaya as everyone saw him. Everyone's memories overlapped, creating a continuous story as the missing parts were filled in. But there was more. Psyche could also see through the eyes of Orihara Izaya. The subtle changes in his emotion that the memories did not hold. The truth that Izaya held back and did not ever display in front of his friends. Psyche understood them, thanks to observing the humans and analyzing them.

He understood Orihara Izaya's mysterious heart.

Rusty tears started to leak from the corners of his eyes. His body was having trouble containing the chip even though it was incomplete. As the system started to break down inside Psyche, his vessels ruptured, creating a mess as fluids leaked freely. He could no longer control the tears that fell or the deep aches that seized his body.

"PSYCHE!" Shizuo cried in shock. But there was nothing he could do. Psyche had told him that he was not to turn off the Psychedelic Dreamer no matter what happened. All he could do was hold his hand and watch as the young robot experienced 'pain' for the first time.

No, he was experiencing 'Heart' for the first time.

"Fuck! I knew I shouldn't have… I knew I should have stopped you!" Shizuo held Psyche tightly, also in pain that he was so useless again at the most important moments.

Psyche lifted himself up and placed both of his quivering hands on Shizuo's cheeks so they could face each other. The static sparks tingled on top of Shizuo's skin.

"Shizu-chan," Psyche breathed softly as he smiled.

Shizuo's eyes widened when he heard Psyche's voice and his smile.

"Iza…"

"Shizu-chan," that voice was not robotic in any sense of the word. It held warmth. It held sadness. It held regret and pain. It was Izaya's voice and Izaya's smile.

Psyche smirked with a naughty smile that told Shizuo, 'Why are you crying you big idiot?'

Shizuo stuttered. He couldn't find his voice as he stared at Psyche, still crying bloody tears. But at the same time it was not Psyche. It was 'Izaya' in front of him.

"Izaya…," the blond's breath hitched as he repeated the name. "Izaya!"

"Yes, Shizu-chan?" the same voice answered with the same quotes, but now it carried the usual Orihara 'I already know' arrogance that Izaya always held. But his smile was gentle. There was no sneer though it remained teasingly playful.

"Izaya… I… there's so much I want to…" Shizuo didn't even know where to begin.

Psyche placed a finger on Shizuo's lips to silence him. The sparks flew and it was biting. However both of them took no notice as they stared into each other's eyes.

"Shizu-chan. You have a question for me, don't you? A question you've been torturing yourself to find the answer for."

Shizuo swallowed. This was it. His last chance and his final miracle.

"Izaya… please tell me. What was it that you wrote on my hand?"

With a light smirk that tugged at its corner, Psyche took Shizuo's hand and started to write with his rusty liquid.

"Kokoro."

Psyche said as he drew the universal symbol for heart '♥' onto Shizuo's palm. Shizuo looked at it in disbelief at such a simple drawing and then looked back up at Psyche with questioning eyes. The young robot smiled back gently at his master.

"Izaya-san loves you very much Shizu-chan. He wanted to tell you with everything he had, just how much he loves you, Shizu-chan."

* * *

[A year and 10 days ago before Present Timeline]

Izaya's trembling finger slowly drew a heart "♥" as his shaking hands and nervous heart fluttered. The informant nibbled at his lower lip and giggled uneasily. This would be his first time unveiling the secrets of his heart.

"You'd better understand what my heart is telling you Shizu-chan. I bet if I wrote a kanji, you would tell me on my grave that you were too dumb to read it. So if your protozoan head still can't understand me, I won't forgive you, you know. " That was a joke. Even Izaya knew that Shizuo wasn't that dumb. However, Izaya had a habit of laughing in the face of fear.

The weight was lifted from Izaya's heart as he leaned back on his pillows, exhausted. Now he could no longer hold onto Shizuo's hand, afraid the bloody hand of his own would smudge the message. The warmth that once flew through him started to fade. The chill started to set in.

"I wish there was something that was more permanent to mark you as mine, Shizu-chan…." Izaya smiled with regret. Why had he been too stupidly stubborn to tell Shizuo in person? He had so many chances, so many moments and so many occasions to tell him. It was all too late now.

However, Izaya was satisfied as he smiled at the sleeping brute.

It didn't matter anymore.

That burden and anxiety that his feelings would never be reciprocated, Izaya let it all go.

It didn't matter anymore.

Izaya had decided, even if his feelings would never be returned, he had to tell Shizuo that he loved… no, he loves him. In his last moment with his dying will, Izaya wanted to convey just that single message.

He will forever love him until he breathed his final breath.

"Alright you bastards," Izaya said as he faced the four figures still waiting for him by his death bed. "I don't want any of you to touch a single hair on Shizu-chan until he receives my message. Not that I believe Shizu-chan's going to die any time soon but since so many of you are here, I want you all to know that clearly. You'd better take me first and leave him alone."

Izaya's tone was fierce as he glared at the four Deaths. They nodded silently.

Izaya's breath stuttered as he breathed in and out deeply. This was it. It would all end soon.

The four shadows approached him, but Izaya took no notice of them. He was not afraid of death anymore though he had feared it for years since he was a child. He was not afraid of dying with loose ends. All his focus was on just one person. Izaya smiled at Shizuo with no regrets.  
_  
Shizu-chan…._

*Beep* Beep* Beep*

Izaya's vision began to fade but he held on. His dull eyes were locked on to Shizuo and refused to pay attention to anything else but him. The cold blackness closed in as the four figures shrouded him in darkness.  
_  
Shizu-chan…._

*Beep* Beep* Beep*

Izaya's heart fluttered one last time. Tears fell down his face finally, unable to hold them back as Izaya watched the most peaceful face of Shizuo once again. Izaya was glad that his final memory of him would not be Shizuo's angry face. How unfortunate, that it wasn't his smile.  
_  
Shizu-chan… I…_

_\- Ppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—_


	16. Chapter 16

[Present Day 7]

Shizuo looked at it in disbelief at such a simple drawing and then looked back up at Psyche with searching eyes. The young robot smiled back gently at his master.

"Izaya-san loves you very much Shizu-chan. He wanted to tell you with everything he had, just how much he loves you, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo looked back at his palm that had the heart shaped drawing Psyche drew with his blood red tears.

"Haha…" A chuckle escaped him weakly.

"Haha… hahaha… HAHAHA!" Shizuo slapped his face with his other hand as he laughed. Joy, relief, happiness, pure bliss and ecstasy, bursted out of Shizuo as he held Psyche tightly in wonder and stared at his hand. He knew Psyche was right. He didn't doubt him. This simple drawing was indeed Izaya's dying message. It had to be.

"That's so like you, Izaya…" Shizuo's laugh turned into a giggling chuckle as he continued to marvel at his palm. Shizuo looked up at Psyche gratefully. "Thank you Psyche. Thank you, you… you have no idea. No idea…."

Psyche shook his head and held his master. His circuits were still shorting but his heart swelled with happiness. He had finally accomplished his final goal. Psyche had achieved Shizuo's true happiness. There was no more guilt or sorrow in his eyes. Only smiles.

Finally Psyche's smiles brought forth smiles instead of just tears.

"Not at all Shizu-chan! I should thank you! Thank you so much Shizu-chan for creating me… and letting me feel this inside me. I'm… happy." Psyche said, finally understanding the emotion. Psyche was happy, to feel this deep happiness, a happiness so deep that it hurt.

Shizuo wrapped his arms around Psyche tightly and cried. But he no longer cried with sadness and regret. He was truly happy.

Psyche too held his master and cried. Izaya's 'heart' was still speaking to him, but the damage was irreplaceable. Psyche refused to unplug the pink chip that glowed like a throbbing heart.

Shizuo continued to say "Thank you, thank you, thank you…"

Shizuo no longer cared as the four shadowy figures finally stood before him.

Shizuo no longer worried as his visions dimmed and the lights were shrouded in darkness.

Shizuo no longer feared death.

"Psyche…" Shizuo whispered as his heartbeat slowed. Psyche listened quietly, though many of his systems were down, he could still calculate the heart rate of his master and knew he wouldn't last much longer.

"Remember I love you very much Psyche. And thank you for the wonderful gift." Shizuo smiled one last time brilliantly. It was sweet and gentle, filled with love and happiness.

"No, Shizu-chan. Thank you… for giving me your smile as your gift for me," Psyche refused to call it the last. Because Shizuo lived within his heart, within his memory. He would never die as long as he lived.

The blond closed his heavy eyelids. Shizuo smiled at Psyche with no regrets. The cold blackness closed in as the four figures shrouded him in darkness.

Psyche took off his white fur coat to wrap around his master. "Shizu-chan, you can rest now. It's okay to let go," knowing fully how it was only guilt that had carried Shizuo's burdened heart to beat forcefully until now. "It's okay to stop hating yourself Shizu-chan. Izaya loves you very much."

Shizuo nodded weakly. Psyche took his master's hand and placed it against his cheek and smiled.

"I'll sing you a lullaby Shizu-chan. Please sleep peacefully."

Psyche's mouth opened to sing a song. He held the blond tightly until the end. Though he did not have a human's warmth nor a beating heart, he hoped that his voice and his grip would travel with Shizuo as he crossed the river of death. Psyche was with him, holding him, singing to him, and letting him know he did not die alone.

Even after Shizuo's heart had finally stopped beating, Psyche continued to hold onto Shizuo and sing.

* * *

All the memories dwelling in Izaya's "heart" continued to overflow. Psyche could see Shizuo glare at Izaya with conflicted emotions between love and hate. With those same amber eyes Shizuo gazed upon Psyche filled with love and regret. With both memories combined along with the heart program, Psyche understood it now, but it was all too late.

His sensors beeped at him with an alert. There were four Nebula men approaching them. Startled, Psyche stopped his singing as his broken circuits tried their best to locate the targets. He found them. They weren't too far away, within half a mile circumference.

Psyche panicked. It had been more than three hours since his master's passing and his cold body had begun to stiffen. Psyche checked and knew that he only had 6% power. When Psychedelic Dream was activated, it destroyed his internal circuits and he was losing energy faster than normal. However, Psyche wasn't worried about his own well being.

He clutched tightly onto Izaya's heart chip.

He knew that the Nebula men were coming for it. They only cared about the miraculous program that might solve the mysteries of life.

Psyche couldn't give it to them. He knew how precious it was to his master, how hard he worked for it. He understood its value more than the scientists. It wasn't just a simple 'program' that should be dissembled and violated just to be studied in such a cold scientific manner.

6% batter power. Psyche couldn't even pick up his master and carry them to safety anymore.

"Shizu-chan, I'm so sorry I couldn't keep our promise. I wish I could have kept those memories of tonight's fireworks fresh and bright." Psyche smiled, "…like how you are Shizu-chan. You are like the light Shizu-chan. I wish I had been able to keep memories of you alive longer within me."

Psyche had decided. He couldn't give it to them. He refused to give it to them.

"Activate shut-down," Psyche commanded.

Activating shut-down in 10 seconds.

Psyche gritted his teeth as his sensors started to sizzle. The Nebula men in black suits were closing in on them carefully and slowly with guns in their hands.  
 _  
10…_

Psyche smiled as he held the pink heart chip close to him. "Shizu-chan, don't worry. I'll protect Izaya's heart no matter what. Even if it costs my life." He pulled up the fur white coat to hug his master. Though Shizuo no longer needed it, Psyche still fixed his clothes and wrapped him warm with his jacket.

_9…_

Psyche stared into his master's smiling face and smiled back. "Shizu-chan… thank you."

_8…_

"Thank you so much for creating me."  
 _  
7…_

"Thank you so much for loving me."  
 _  
6…_

"Thank you so much for spending your priceless time with me."  
 _  
5…  
_  
"Thank you for everything you've given me."  
 _  
4…  
_  
"You've taught me how to smile, laugh, cry and… love."  
 __  
3…

Shizu-chan…

2…

Shizu-chan…

1…

Shizu-chan, I…

-System Shut-down-

\- Ppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—


	17. Chapter 17

-EPILOGUE-

[40 years later from Chapter 1]

"Hey guys, how are you two doing. You know I've never seen you guys quite so peaceful next to each other for so long," the 66 years old Dr. Kishitani Shinra exclaimed in his most energetic voice, though already his voice was a bit hoarse and raspy.

"You know, I sometimes expect you two to jump out of your graves and fight each other, hahaha. And I'd go hiding behind some tomb stones and watch you two fight just like the good ol' days when we were in high school together." Shinra said gleefully.

"Aww don't say that. I love you guys! Man, Ikebukuro is sure quite without you two. Granted there's all sorts of other weird things going on and several new gangs every other day but there's no vending machines flying around. Can't beat that still!" Shinra cheered as he waved his bottle of sake and poured it on the two tomb stones next to each other.

"Have some drink. I bet you two are thirsty. Haha, I know you two get sick of me easily since I've been coming every weekend but hey, I always bring sake each time I visit! We're cursed by fate to stick together I think, you can't hate me forever you guys!"

Shinra smiled as he emptied the sake on both of the graves.

"But today I got a good news. I brought a gift," Shinra said as he produced from his pockets a pink case that looked like an antique cd player that was several generations out dated.

"Izaya's heart. I was finally able to retrieve it. Those damn Nebula scientist kept prying it apart, trying to solve the secrets behind it but in the end they gave up. Took them damn 40 years but hey, I got it! I finally got it guys! I bet you two are as ecstatic as I am!"

Shinra chuckled, his laughter still young despite his age. He groaned as his back hurt but continued to chuckle lightly as he squat and started to dug a hole between the two graves.

"Sorry I couldn't bring back the Psyche though. They literally tore it apart like vultures on that poor thing. There's nothing left of him except for loose bolts and wires." Shinra sighed heavily. However he quickly cheered up.

"But don't worry. We won in the end! We frustrated the hell out of those damn scientists. To their final breath, they never were able to unlock the secrets behind the miracle of this heart chip once it was turned off. After all, miracle of life never occur twice, right?"

Shinra buried the chip into the earth. He smiled at it with satisfaction.

"All they got was a song you know? A song that repeated over and over. Haha! Those damn geezers! Losers til the end!" Shinra did a skip and a jig in front of the graves happily. Everyone still called him a quack or a witchdoctor but he seriously did not care. People called him crazy for speaking of the dead so casually, but Shinra did not care. They were his friends. No, they are his friends. And in front of them, he had no shame.

It wasn't even two minutes but Shinra was sweaty, already tired. "Man, can't seem to fight against old age. Though I bet if you two were still alive, you guys would still be chasing each other around Ikebukuro huh? Man, I'd give my arm to see that again. Shizuo picking up a vending machine at our age? Ha! These youngin' don't believe me when I say I had a friend like Shizuo. Damn kids these days."

Shinra smiled nostalgically as he remembered.

"Ah yes. Celty's still not back yet. I haven't seen her today either. Nor yesterday. But don't worry. I haven't given up yet still. As long as I'm breathing, I'll wait for her to return to me."

It had been 41 years. Forty-one long lonely desperate years. But Shinra continued on. He will wait for Celty forever.

Because his friends taught him that there are such things as miracles. And Shinra believed that robots could have souls. If a robot could sing a song that could contain such a touching message, Shinra believed that Psyche definitely had a soul. Especially when compared to those cold hearted scientists who were more like robots than humans.

Shizuo had entrusted Psyche with the key to the miracle.

However, the miracle only lasted for a short moment. The 'kokoro' was far too big for him. Unable to withstand that weight, the machine shorted and was never able to move again.

When Shinra saw his face at the laboratory years ago when Nebula finally captured him, Psyche was filled with smiles.

Psyche looked like an angel.

Ever since that day, Shinra refused to call Psyche 'a mere robot.'

Shinra got up, his old bones cracking as he did so. He stretched as he looked up at the bright blue sky above him.

"Well, you never know. Maybe Celty will come back home today. I'll protect our love nest today too! So until next weekend, sleep peacefully guys. You guys can rest now that I brought back Psyche, right?"

Shinra waved good bye to his old friends as he took out his portable music player and turned on the music that was recorded in the Project Psychedelic Dreamer.

And it went like this:  
 _  
The first miracles is that you are born,_

_Second miracle is the time i shared with you._

_And the third miracle….._

-The end _  
_

 

* * *

 

 

Author's Note:

_Thank you for reading and sharing the journey of Shizuo, Izaya and Psyche together!_

_First let me apologize for such an abstract story. This fanfic is written like pieces of the puzzle, each scene linking and connecting another scene. It is also a round-robin, non-sequential and count down style. It seriously was a scary count down style since once I post a chapter, I can NOT go back and fix it on the kinkmeme._

_I understand that it's probably very selfish of me but it'd be nice if people did go back and re-read from chapter 1. Not only was the fic written so that you find out one piece of the puzzle at a time, but you'll see that from beginning to end, there are reoccurring images, sentences, quotes, scenes and messages. Think of it as a treasure hunt?_

_And guess what guys! This is my first fic with NO SMUT. LOL._

_This is also my first Death Fic._

_Ch 55 is the first scene that was in my head when I watched the amv. After crying for 4 hours and my eyes were hurting too much to keep them open, I tried to get some sleep. But for 2 hours as I lay on my bed, my mind started to write this story._

_(I was like, okay for Psyche to be created, I need to add Nebula. But I don't like the idea of Psyche waiting 100 years so I'll shorten it to 7 weeks. That image of Shizuo holding Izaya's hand and sleeping while Izaya stays awake, smiles and dies… why was Shizuo sleeping? How did Izaya feel as he lay there? Ah, he should leave a dying message… Etc etc) I couldn't stop myself anymore. I knew it was too abstract and that no one will probably give a damn, and I had 11 unfinished fills (This is my 10th completed fill of this meme! Yay!), but I got up and wrote it, hoping I can finish it in 20 chapters (in the meme) and within one day._

_24 hours later with 16 chapters (in the meme), I realized it'd be impossible OTL. But I still wrote a lot hoping I can finish it the next day. Then the next, then… the next. 3 days later with probably less than 12 hours of sleep total, I gave up and wrote down the summary of what's in my head before I started forgetting things._

_It was…. 5 pages long. I was like. SHIT whut. And I thought I was near the END of my fic ugh… me and my ways of stretching fics._

_I still woke up at 7am today. And the first thing I thought to myself was "Dammit Shizu-chan. Aren't you happy with the ending? Or is it Psyche that's haunting me now Orz… or is it Celty. It's Celty isn't it?" lol_

_I was planning to just write in the author's note about Shinra and Celty's story, but seeing all these responses, I think I'll write an extra chapter about them instead as a thank you gift._

_There were things I'm disappointed about in this fic. IF I had the time, I wanted to go into details of how Izaya and Shizuo fell in love. And the 4-way gang war Izaya prepared. But the fic would be… too long (and the connecting links wouldn't work at all. They just can't be connected) So I decided that I'll take out everything that's not related. EVEN IF I did think of ways for them to fall in love and the 4way gang war, THIS fic wasn't the fic for it. It'll be for another time? This fic wasn't about them falling in love. So I took it out hoping that people who watched the amv would understand (since it's similar to the scene from the amv) and that most ppl are already SHIZAYA fans so they'll forgive me for not getting that detail in here. (another fic guys. I'll write it in other fics. And there's plenty of other fics written by other authors in the meme too~)_

_I still wish I could have added more high school scenes like the umbrella scene from the amv. Or the photograph. But once again, it couldn't be connected, so I completely took it out._

_However, the entire fic quotes the amv everywhere. I re-read that lyric to death, and watched both Len and Rin's versions, LEN+RIN remix, and the two Shizayapsyche ones. I let it play in the background every time I wrote the fic. I re-watched it over and over until I started crying before I wrote the next chapter. I think I watched each amv more than 100 times._

_I hope people believe that this fanfic isn't about angst, depression, sadness or anything like that just because it's a death fic. It's about life, happiness and love. I wanted it to be a happy ending, not just a sad ending that makes you cry. I hope people smiled through the end of it even if you were crying, just like how Izaya, Shizuo and Psyche faced their death._

_Lastly but not least._

_Thank you guys for even BOTHERING TO READ THIS omg…. Seriously. Thank you. All the comments, I wish I can reply to you all personally (without someone going RAWR you're taking up comment space! ;~; ) and erm, the art gifts. Holy. Shit. THE ART GIFTS ARE SIMPLY AMAZING! No really, you know how I tend to SPAZZ over art and omg…. OMG….._

_Thank you ESPECIALLY for those who left me such a long deep comments. Some of them made me cry because I felt so appreciated that someone is understanding all the connecting links._

_Thank you especially to OP for not just the prompt but your comment simply made me smile so much that I am able to complete this fill the way you wanted it. Thank you soooo very much. (I think you read my other fills rofl seeing the way you reply sometimes. I'm so curious if I know you)_

_And lastly, Thank you Shizaya ghosts for haunting me. As well as Psyche's ghost and now Shinra + Celty ghosts. I don't think these guys will let me go until I write the final chapter of them huh? Lol. (pfff… has anyone noticed the reoccurring thank-you's in this ? I'll give you cookies if you figured it out)_

_I talk too much. ugh, this is why I try not to reply to people OTL. So. Enough about me. Thank you for reading guys. I've finally poured my soul into this writing so let's hope the Shizaya ghosts rest in peace and leave me alone. XD_


	18. Chapter 18

  
**Omake to Dying Message: (Side Story of Shinra x Celty)**

* * *

**Lovey-Dovey Prattles of an Underground Doctor XXX**

It is a shame that I was not able to get up today. Or yesterday. I have always watered Celty's favorite flowers every day but I unfortunately skipped yesterday. I usually have a maid come in but no matter how often I tell her not to forget to water that plant, she usually does. She doesn't seem to understand how important it is that I keep the place exactly the same. Every day. Ever since that day more than 80 years ago.

Everyone who comes in for treatment used to laugh at me. They say the place is like an antique store, a blast from the past. None of those thingamobobbers or hojugadgets around. I kept my patient operation room with all the top notch latest scientific machinery, but our living room and our bedroom, especially Celty's, I kept it exactly the same.

Though now, no one visits me. Only the homecare doctor who checks up on me once a week. She says I don't have much time.

Nonsense, I call it. I have plenty of time. I can last until Celty comes back. But lately it's getting harder and harder when everyone I knew has died before me and I visit more gravestones these days then people's home.

Shizuo and Izaya must hate me, I haven't visited them within the last year that I've been bedridden. I pay someone to break a bottle of sake every weekend but I know it'll never be the same for them without me there. Heh, I bet those two rascals miss me. Even if they used to whine every time I talked about my beloved Celty, I know secretly they were just jealous that I love Celty and Celty loves me~

Speaking of my dear sunshine, I hope she's as bright as the sun today. Don't know where she is, but I would hope that Nebula had given up their project on her. But seeing as how she never returned to my side… I guess the damn company hasn't given up on her still.

Celty.

Celty…

My beloved Celty.

See? Look. My chest still throbs fast and hard when I think of her. That silly doctor is a quack who thinks my heart is ready to give in so easily. But no. Listen to my heart beat strongly. My love for her keeps me going. I'm not ready to die. Not until ….

….

Well, hello there. I don't believe you… four figures… are my maids, are you? You sure don't wear the right aprons; those black robes aren't very becoming on you. And such bony fingers! My, someone needs to eat more spoonfuls… I would hope you guys aren't burglars… If you want money, there's some in the safe box but please do not take any of these 'antique' items. They are junk and worthless to you….

… you brought a friend now? You know, five against one is totally unfair….

…

Celty?

Celty, my beloved! Is that really y-  _*cough, cough, cough*_

No, I'm fine. Really. Blast these damn cords. Don't mind the tangles, just come closer. Let me just…

You're warm.

My, your hands are so warm and soft… just… as how I … remember them.

You're so beautiful Celty. You've not aged one second since the day I last saw you. You're forever beautiful. Why, I can sing a million songs right now just to try and express how beautiful you are and it wouldn't be enough to convey the message! In all my years I can quite clearly say, no one else is more beautiful than …

_*cough, cough, cough*_

Sorry, Celty. My body isn't what it used to be.

…

Why Celty! You still kept the PDA? That's just adorable! Even with your head, just for old times sake, you're typing your response to me?

'Shinra. I missed you.' My dearest beloved, you have no idea how much I have missed you too! You know, I kept the place exactly the same, even when those renovators raised a hell and the estate management came and…

What's that?

'Shinra, we don't have much time.'

Do you have to leave? Are they still chasing you? Celty, take me with you! Please! I know I'm just old baggage, and I'm sure I might die very soon but I can't bear to….

'Are you sure?'

Are you doubting my love and loyalty to you? Celty, I've never laid a single eye, well both my eyes, on anyone else but…

Hmmm… 'No, no, no. That's not what I mean. The journey… will be hard.' you say?

Nothing was harder than being apart from you Celty. I can endure anything. As long as…

Owww! Hahaha… you still know where to jab at my side there…

'Sorry, did it hurt? But you talk too much.'? Oh Celty, I haven't seen you blush in so long, I think I'd gladly have my ribs broken just so I can see you blush shyly like the fair maiden you are once again…

Ah, I see. That's why you brought your four friends? I'm sorry I'm just a mere mortal.

And where are we going?

Valhalla…

Hahaha… seriously? Am I allowed? Don't you need approval from your higher ups for that? Ah… I see… well, my certain friend might be jealous of me I'd think.

Yes Celty. Let's go.

Anywhere, so as long as we are together I'm willing to go anywhere, even hell will be my heaven if I am by your side.

* * *

The next day, the maids who came in to clean his place found that Kishitani Shinra had passed away peacefully. His time of death, unknown.

* * *

-the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Dying Message. Thank you for reading.


End file.
